The Ta-ta Times (T3)

Eat To Starve Cancer: Stopping Angiogenesis at the Root

2012-02-23T17:15:00.001-07:00

William Li presents a new way to think about treating cancer and other diseases: anti-angiogenesis, preventing the growth of blood vessels that feed a tumor. The crucial first (and best) step: Eating cancer-fighting foods that cut off the supply lines and beat cancer at its own game.

Eat To Starve Cancer MindMap

While the presentation isn't mind blowing, it is most interesting that the study of angiogenesis reinforces the common theme between diet and disease. Simple changes to our eating habits, incorporating disease-fighting foods and limiting processed foods are the basic keys for using nutrition to strengthen the whole body.

The Neighborly Thing To Do

2012-02-22T07:35:00.001-07:00

image of Fred Rogers, the consummate neighbor,
from Snappy New Day blog

We are fortunate to live where we do. After carefully seeking out the state we wanted to call home and figuring out a list of non-negotiables for our house, we zeroed in on Centennial, Colorado. Once we stumbled on our current neighborhood, we didn't want to let go. It is so reaffirming to live on a street of caring individuals. Our neighbors have helped with snow shoveling, preparing food, taking me to appointments, showing solidarity with buzz cuts, and other "neighborly" ways of showing care.

Only recently have we gotten a taste (literally!) of what the entire neighborhood can do:

A neighbor who recently found out about our "health adventure" (Allison) asked if we'd mind sharing our story and needs with the babysitting co-op. We wrote up a few short paragraphs describing what it's been like for us since my diagnosis, and Allison sent it to 40+ other homes in our neighborhood that are part of the co-op. I was aware of the co-op back during our home search and was intrigued at becoming part of it once we had a child. What I wasn't aware of was that this group of folks does much more than time-share responsibilities for childcare. They provide help to other families in the neighborhood that are in need. I guess we fit that bill - because soon after she sent the email out, the Helping Hands site Joshua set up began getting new sign-ups daily to help with meals!

All of this is overwhelming sometimes. Not just walking through this experience, but actually processing the little ripple effects that happen all around us because of breast cancer. I am so deeply moved by people, not having met either of us before, signing up to bring us home cooked meals. What a relief it is for Joshua to not have to come home after a day's work and cook for us. What a blessing it is for me to not have to focus on cooking (not that it is a strength of mine anyway).--Hey, I'm being honest. I am so grateful for Allison linking us up with this group of caring individuals and for their collective help.

In my healthy future, I hope to pay it back (or forward) to others. In times of need, getting help is indispensable. Learning to receive it can be a learning process. We are learning. We are accepting. And we are most gracious.

Thank you.

Into week two of the trial

2012-02-20T12:44:00.002-07:00

We are into the second week of the first infusion and things are going well. Laura says the worst of it currently is the constant ear ringing, which drives her crazy.

Her initial nausea from the first treatment has for the most part subsided and Laura has been weaned off of all the anti-nausea medication for this first round. She is getting stronger each day since the Cisplatin administration, although she fights fatigue and has trouble sleeping more than 3-4 hours at a time.

This graph shows the typical blood cell count during a Cisplatin treatment. The blue line shows the blood cell count, which dips down to its lowest point (nadir) 14 days into treatment and begins recovery on day 21.

Day 21 is when the next infusion is scheduled with the idea being that the chemotherapy is a cumulative process meant to have the greatest effect it can without getting her blood cell counts into a dangerous range. The blood cell count is not a direct indicator of other symptoms, but you can imagine if they are low, then the rest of the body is feeling it.

We don't expect this first round to be anything like the next, but it has been a real blessing with how well it is going. We were all astonished with how well Laura did through her first chemo treatment in late June of last year, but the cumulative effects of the drugs did catch up to her by the second treatment. Right now we are all just so very thankful that she is well and not experiencing extreme nausea or pain.

Compression Garments 101

2012-02-16T08:25:00.000-07:00

Sleeve/glove combo.

I now have my compression garments (also known as a sleeve, glove, and gauntlet). Luckily, I have not been diagnosed with lymphedema; for now, these items are for preventative purposes.

Each garment provides graduated pressure along my hand/arm to alleviate symptoms of lymphedema (swelling, lymph fluid buildup). Below, I've pasted in some information about lymphedema. Check out Physical Therapy (PT), a past blog post with information about my lymphedema risk, overtaxing my arm, and Brianna the lymphatic system guru. Also, if you're a fellow BC survivor, please consider physical therapy/lymphatic massage and read this article.

Lymphedema may be inherited (primary) or caused by injury to the lymphatic vessels (secondary). It is most frequently seen after lymph node dissection, surgery and/or radiation therapy, in which damage to the lymphatic system is caused during the treatment of cancer, most notably breast cancer. In many patients with cancer, this condition does not develop until months or even years after therapy has concluded. Lymphedema may also be associated with accidents or certain diseases or problems that may inhibit the lymphatic system from functioning properly.
...
In women, it is most prevalent in the upper limbs after breast cancer surgery and lymph node dissection, occurring in the arm on the side of the body in which the surgery is performed.

~taken from wikipedia

Wrestling to get the sleeve on.
It's tight and needs to be placed from where the wrist bends
to the top of my arm.

Correct placement of the sleeve.

The glove.
Not too comfy, but good to have.
Especially for future airplane trips.

The gauntlet looks like the glove, except the fingers aren't individually wrapped. I approached my continuous jog the other day with more confidence by having the sleeve and glove on. Next time, I'll just wear the sleeve and see how my arm reacts to the exercise and less compression. The symptoms I feel when my arm is overtaxed are: numbness in my right arm, tingling in my right hand fingertips, heavy arm, poofy arm, or achy arm. I thought it sounded funny to have people say (before I had my surgery) that it felt like your arm is congested, but that's a pretty accurate way of describing how it feels.

image from: http://mysassysleeve.com

I haven't seen the My Sassy Sleeve up close and personal yet, but they look like a fun way to doll up the otherwise...um...plain look of lymphedema sleeves. They are sold out of a nearby lingerie place called Pampered Passions. If I get to the point where I have to wear mine for more than just "preventative" purposes, I might look into one to jazz things up.

image from: http://mysassysleeve.com

My Freaky Valentine

2012-02-14T14:08:00.001-07:00

My freaky valentine.
He's crazy - and all mine!
Who's yours?

Much love to all of you, dear blog readers. And may you know you are loved today!

So far, I'm floating along pretty well after yesterday's infusion. I'd give yesterday an 8 out of 10 rating (with 10 being normal). I did manage to sleep for 4 hours straight! Pretty good while pumped up with steroids. I also got 2 more hours from 7-9am.

Today, so far, I'd rate today at a 7-8ish on the 10 point scale. I'm FULL of anti-nausea meds. To the brim! I mean, seriously. (Anti-nausea a.k.a. butt clampers to me.) Luckily, my good friend, the anti-constipation fairy, visited me TWICE already today. TMI? Get used to it.

Today's agenda so far has been mild. I'm happy to say that I walked 3+ miles on the treadmill, which felt great and also helps with digestion. (hint, hint) Mom is hanging around with me today and tomorrow to make sure I don't fall into pukey-land all by myself. It's nice and comforting to have her company while going through this first cycle. Even though I know the first cycle is by far the easiest!

No big plans for V-day, other than saying I love my husband beyond what I'm able to convey through words. I'm fighting for me, but also for him. I love you, babe.

Go Cisplatin!

2012-02-14T13:03:00.002-07:00

Really wanted to share part of an email I received the morning of my first Cisplatin infusion. I hope you all see the humor in it, too. I loved it!
Thank you, Sarah.

------------
A little "Go Greased Lightning" parady came to mind this morning--sorry, but I just had to go with it ; )

Go Cisplatin, you really know how to kill all the cells.
(Cisplatin, go Cisplatin!)
Go Cisplatin, you really know how to do that well.
(Cisplatin, go Cisplatin!)
Your body's clean,
(uh-huh)
The cells will scream!
(uh-huh)
Cisplatin...Cisplatin...Cisplatin...Cisplatin...
Cisplatin...Cisplatin...Cisplatin...Cipslatin...
Cisplaaattttiinnn!
-----------

For those of you that are a little...uh...rusty on lyrics or cadence of the song, here's a good reference for you:

Trial Infusion #1

2012-02-13T10:49:00.000-07:00

Took this photo on the way in this morning for my first cisplatin infusion. My bloodwork was checked and I passed with flying platelets! I'm anxious about some of the coming days, but let's see what happens and work from there.

Please ask/pray/wish for the anti-nausea fairy to visit me. And the anti-constipation fairy while you're at it. Hey, I'm all about full disclosure!

-Laura

For those Inquiring Minds...

2012-02-11T15:51:00.003-07:00

We'd like to answer a couple of questions that have been posed regarding the clinical trial which begins Monday February 13, 2012:

Is Cisplatin what Laura has taken before or a completely new drug?

Yes, Cisplatin is an entirely different drug. From June through September 2011 Laura received a combination of drugs, Cytoxan and Adriamycin, and then Taxol -- the standard therapy for treatment of triple negative breast cancer patients with an aggressive tumor. When a very small amount of residual cancer cells were found in Laura’s breast tissue at surgery, her oncologist recommended this Cisplatin/PARP inhibitor clinical trial as a follow-up option. Because Laura was randomly assigned to the chemo portion only of this clinical trial, she will receive Cisplatin, a platinum-containing compound which has been used for a number of years for stopping/slowing the growth of cancer cells in many types of cancers.

When you say "final blow," does this mean there are no more drugs/treatments after this round?

For this part of Laura's medical journey, yes - this is the final drug/treatment she can receive before the "wait and see" period begins post-treatment. Cisplatin is not approved to use on patients without metastatic cancer and it has a proven track record of killing the type of cancer cells that were in Laura's body. Were it not for this clinical trial, Cisplatin wouldn't be administered at this time. Laura, her medical team, and her family all think that doing more now can only help. That, and it will give her the mental boost that she's done everything she can to show up to this fight with "guns blazing!"

Hope this answers Mandi's questions. Thanks for asking. Does anyone else have questions? Feel free to ask and we'll answer as we're able.

Thoughts

2012-02-11T11:11:00.001-07:00

It's weird to know that I'm headed for more chemo in <2 days. I seem to be in a recursive journey where my body is feeling good and recovering well - so it must be time to bring on the next round of this spar with cancer. On one hand, I feel great and am dragging my heels about doing it; on the other hand, I firmly believe this is what needs to be done at this point in my treatment, so let's get this stuff started already!

There lies underneath a sense of dread, fear, and anxiety before each new step in the journey. How will this go? Will my body tolerate things well? Is this the right thing to do? What if...? These thoughts swim to and fro and sometimes make my stomach flip turn.

This journey is not just a test of what a body can take, but also of what a mind can handle. Wrapping my head around being diagnosed with breast cancer was the first step. There are physical limitations - some I must accept; others require daily work to improve. I've learned/am learning to ask others for help and voice my needs. There is a lot of introspection involved with diagnosis, sickness, treatment, surgery, and life after your medically active "fight" is over. Much of this journey is a brain game. I've done my best during radiation and post-radiation recovery to fortify my mind by revisiting meditation, continuing therapy, talking openly and honestly with Joshua, and by "dancing in the rain."

A short video I took on our latest snowshoeing adventure.
We went snowshoeing on our neighborhood streets and in the nearby park.
It was awesome!

When my body gets weak during chemo and my mind begins thinking tricky little thoughts, I'm going to have memories and pictures to reflect upon. These will remind me what I was capable of in early 2012 - just 4 months after my last chemo treatment and 3 months after surgery. Some great early 2012 memories include:

driving
walking and jogging
snowshoeing
participating in life in as close to normal as I can recall since May 2011
getting together with friends and family
meeting with YES! group members
swinging my head back and forth and not getting nauseous
practicing pilates and yoga
having hair (and getting a trim)
feeling strong and well

Joshua and my mom will upload posts on what's going on/how I'm doing/whatever they'd like to blog about that's relevant. These coming weeks may not be a good time to be on the computer much, so know that I'm just going through things if I'm not blogging or responding to emails. Now is the time to focus inward on healing.

Group A it is...

2012-02-09T13:45:00.001-07:00

I've been randomized to Group A for the clinical trial. This means I will receive cisplatin only. Treatments are every 3 weeks, starting on Monday.

Still Waiting...

2012-02-09T08:10:00.002-07:00

No news yet about my randomized placement for the clinical trial. I was told yesterday that I would find out today. Or Friday. Didn't want anyone to think I was withholding information! Either way it works out - Group A or Group B - I'm okay with it. The point is that I'm in the trial and will receive a drug that should destroy any active cancer cells, if there are still some in me. The final blow I can actively (medicinally) deal to my adversary.

Another Chili Day

2012-02-07T15:44:00.001-07:00

Today's high is supposed to be 25 and it's snowing again. Brr - that's chilly! Time to stay indoors and enjoy warm food and drinks.

Sitting around waiting to hear about yesterday's test results, whether I'm part of the trial or not, and - if so - which group I've been randomized into doesn't sound good to me. Time to busy myself with setting up future house cleaning appointments, organizing my "cancer handbook" binder, and doing top secret preparations for Joshua's birthday.

---busy and then a phone call---

It's now official: I am part of the clinical trial and will begin Monday morning as scheduled. No word yet on which arm of the study I'll be in (Group A or B); I should get a phone call about that tomorrow. So hang on - here we go, folks!

Next Steps

2012-02-06T07:25:00.003-07:00

Thought I'd break it down for you all via headings. I like to be organized that way.

All filled up:

Immediately post-fill.
Happy camper!

As of January 30, my expanders are all filled up!
Right: 695cc, Left: 590cc
I may need a top off before surgery on the left side. If that's the case, it will wait until after the clinical trial is over. For now, I'm close to "even" and feeling groovy.

Lab rat:
Today I go in to sign consent forms, have bloodwork done, an ECG, and another heart test of my physician's choice. All day at the hospital - boo. After the tests are in and I get a "pass" to be part of the trial, I'll be randomized into Group A or Group B. I really hope to ~~be part of Group B~~ be in the group that is best for me long term. As long as my tests come back with good results, infusion #1 of cisplatin will be Feburary 13 at 8:30.

Post-radiation stuff:
The swelling, redness, and itching have let up considerably in the last week. Even the little gnat bite-like bumps on part of my chest and back are nearly all gone. Yay! Radiation (not only during, but also after treatment) can cause skin and muscle to become "stuck" and not pliable. So along with daily lymphatic massages, I'm also massaging the skin that was radiated each day (I'm supposed to do 100 circles around my breast each day). Once or twice a day I also give the radiation area (breast, underarm/side, and neck/back) extra lotion to soak up. This should help my skin become and stay "happy" post-radiation.

Lymphedema sleeve, glove,
and gauntlet packages.

Workouts:
It feels great to gradually increase the intensity of my workouts. Last week, after picking up my lymphedema sleeve/glove/gauntlet combo (more info on those to come), I committed to jogging a straight mile on the treadmill. Mission accomplished - plus some. I jogged 1 mile, then walked fast for a 1/2 mile, and then decided to bust out another 1/2 mile. Both jogging intervals were done between a 11-12 minutes per mile pace and the entire workout was just over 3 miles. My arm didn't have any reaction to the increased intensity, so next time I jog I'll just wear the sleeve and see what happens. It is so majorly exciting and thrilling to be able to jog again!

Go ahead, chuckle at the picture below. How could one resist? Not wanting to upset my skin, I decided to wear a jog bra on the outside of a cotton t-shirt.

Joshua snuck away and got the camera-!

Germany Represents!

2012-02-04T15:05:00.000-07:00

At long last, Anneliese (Joshua's mother - my mother-in-law) came to visit. Joshua saw her in early December when he made a trip to Washington. I hadn't seen her for a year.

We usually play games when the Sr. Aysons visit. It's a good way to enjoy some time indoors together - as well as to compete. I had beginner's luck with Niners. But beginner's luck doesn't last long.

Playing Rummikub and Niners together.

Someone's always got to be the "different" one...

Joshua was proud to share his mixology creations with his mom. She watched him make it (this one consisted of cucumbers, kale, ginger, chard, 1 stevia packet, a splash of apple juice, and some ice) - so she knew what was in it. (Hey, we are all about full disclosure here.) I made SURE to have the camera around for the first big gulp.

Hey, hey, hey! Lookie here.
Anneliese is trying a green shake!


Down the hatch! Hmm...bitter beer face.

Next up: homemade kombucha tea. Joshua now has two scobies downstairs. They are in two gallon containers and make the laundry room smell a bit like vinegar. I'm egging him on to talk about his scobies and kombucha in a future post. Anneliese needed something to help wash down the green shake. I think the 'bucha tea did the trick.

Anneliese likes the homebrewed kombucha tea,
a la Joshua's scoby plantation in the laundry room.

We also hit up downtown Littleton one afternoon. We went into several of the shops there - mostly looking, but we did some finding, too. It was great to be outdoors, walking around together, and window shopping. When we were through, Joshua volunteered to go get the car and Anneliese and I sat down facing west and got to view a most bodacious sunset.

We enjoyed a beautiful sunset!

On Anneliese's last eve here in Colorado, we went to mom's place for dinner. She made a butternut squash/spinach/pearl barley soup, salmon, veggies with turmeric, wild rice, and cayenne salsa. Muy caliente! I enjoyed taking it all in.

Post-dinner conversation at Linda's house.

She who takes pictures is never in them. Boo-hoo. Oh well - I know we had a great visit and am happy you came, Anneliese.

A Big Thank You!

2012-02-03T11:20:00.002-07:00

Juli has the cowgirl spirit!
I don't know how she does all she does for herself and others.

Today is a cold, snowy day in Colorado. Today's forecast is for 6-10 inches of snow; I think we've already hit that mark. Tonight, another 3-7 inches is expected.

As I began to make breakfast, I thought I heard a snowplow coming down the street, only the sound kept getting louder and louder. Turns out it was Juli, one of our neighbors, snowblowing our driveway!

We continue to be amazed at the way people have rallied to help us. Juli is yet another great example. I'm not able to shovel, nor am I supposed to use the snowblower, so thank you so much for the needed and appreciated assistance!

That's some deep snow. And it just keeps on comin'.

My Big Fat Hair Trim

2012-01-28T13:56:00.000-07:00


All that hair!

In an earlier post, I mentioned getting my hair cut. Okay, maybe it wasn't so much a cut as it was a trim. It's like all my hair went into super-speed growth. Something had to be done. It felt great to knock off some of the fuzzy-wuzzy hairs around my neck and ears. I even got some of the peach fuzz on my face trimmed. No hair was trimmed off the top for obvious reasons.

Although the difference is slight, it made a big difference to me. No longer can Joshua pull on my neck hair and facial fuzz. Freedom!

Part of me felt silly going in for a trim. It's likely I'll lose my hair again while on the clinical trial drug cisplatin. Still, if I'm looking good and as close to normal as possible, it helps me feel that way, too.

Profile before trim.

Profile after trim.

Back before trim.

Back after trim.

Time to Fill 'er Up!

2012-01-26T17:31:00.003-07:00

It's that time again: time to expand some more. The right breast is already fully pumped up; the left breast - as mentioned in this blog post - is under expanded. To recap where my volume stood before and during radiation: my right breast had 695cc, my left breast had 350cc.

On January 23, I went in for a fill on my left side and (surprisingly) took 120cc easily. The two muscle relaxing pills helped! Now I'm pumped up to 470cc on the left.

January 30 is my next fill appointment for the left breast and, if I'm able to get an additional 120cc in there, I'll be at a perky 590cc. This is the size I liked my right breast at before it was over expanded (necessary because of radiation effects to my skin). Unless I want to go bigger (I'm thinking not), it's possible that I'll be fully expanded next Monday!

Having evenly expanded boobs has not been much of a concern to me. I've rocked the lopsided look well with printed shirts, scarves, and just not caring too much about it. I view getting the left filled before the clinical trial as a bonus.

The expanders I have in my chest now are for expanding my breast skin and are basically placeholders for my implants. I'll have the expanders until my "switch-out surgery" sometime later this year. The expanders don't move, jiggle, or sag. They make sleeping on my side uncomfortable. I am reluctantly realizing that I'll be sleeping on my back - a lot - this year. Ugh.

How or when will I know an approximate timeline for my switch-out surgery? That surgery will be no sooner than 3 months after the clinical trial is complete or 6 months after radiation is complete, whichever is the latest. The best guess right now is that I may be a candidate for that surgery sometime in late August. -- We'll see. I may delay the grand switcheroo until I'm ready - like after I've gotten all my energy back and have sufficiently enjoyed the Colorado summer and early fall. Sounds nice, doesn't it? I'm giddy just thinking about it.

Jan 21/22 Weekend in Photos

2012-01-25T15:39:00.000-07:00

What a wonderful weekend. Why so spectacular? Because we went snowshoeing!

Going snowshoeing was on a "bucket list" of sorts for me before the clinical trial. If I was able, I wanted to go - badly. Seven of us took advantage of the opportunity and headed to Estes Park to snowshoe. Here's a short photojournalistic view of our fun weekend:

Mom, Sandy, and Nolton getting fuel before heading out.

Kris and Karen looking ready to board...er...snowshoe!

Nolton and Sandy gearing up for their first snowshoe trip!

Fun pictures along the trail.

Guess who?

Looks like a freezing version of the Beatles' Abbey Road album cover.
This gives you an idea of the snow/wind conditions.

Who knew you could row on a frozen lake with powder poles?
Kris did.

Sitting down for dinner. Ready to crash.

Sunday morning breakfast.
Time to load up!

To say it was a bit windy is downplaying things.

One of the few spots where it wasn't too windy on the second day.
A beautiful rock face view and the sun even popped out.

Someone's getting tired. Will he freeze in place?

Sandy taking an upright nap.
Or maybe mom told her to lick the tree...

Sandy HAD to make a snow angel.
So I HAD to document it.

Sandy's snow angel.

Joshua's snow angel.
Damn! Look at those wings!!

The end.

Top 10: Why Radiation Gets a "Glowing" Endorsement

2012-01-24T09:48:00.001-07:00

Here's my crack at a fun audio introduction to this Top 10 list. Turn your speakers on, press the play button, and enjoy!

Acting tough.
(Oct. 2011 pic)

10. If you absorb enough radiation, you won't have to use night lights and can save on light bills.

9. I always wanted my freckles to link up and equal a great tan. Well, I may get a perma-tan on a quadrant of my body now!

8. I can have the highest Geiger counter score in a room full of people.

7. Have you ever powdered (with corn starch) your armpit, boob, and arm? Didn't think so.

6. It's a daily gig so it keeps me off the streets and out of the bars.

5. There are minimal side effects (compared to the rest of the BC journey).

4. It's fast and easy. Five minutes and treatment is over. No work required on my part; I just lay there.

3. You meet other people in the waiting room that are in the same (or a similar) boat and strike up conversation. You may even make a friend.

Skull and crossbones tatt.

2. Just the name makes it sound like I'm doing something tough.

1. You can precisely target problem areas without damaging surrounding tissue/organs.

Last Day of Radiation

2012-01-19T07:30:00.002-07:00

Today gets a two thumbs up rating.

This is it! It's finally here. After my bolus-enhanced radiation today, I'm done with radiation! In the photo, I look tired because I am tired. -- I guess the cumulative effect of radiation is catching up with me a bit, and today required at 6:45am wake-up, which doesn't help with looking good in morning photos.

Luckily, my skin didn't blister or peel. It is dry and sunburned and itchy, but now it has a few weeks to heal before the clinical trial starts. And I'll continue to do daily stretches for the rest of the year to keep my muscles and skin as supple as possible.

I'm hitting the road soon for a dental appointment, hair trim (yeah, I'm getting one), seeing family, then radiation. Woo-hoo!

Massage Therapy

2012-01-17T12:22:00.000-07:00

Last summer, I found a brochure for a massage therapist at my oncologist's office. And like many other past actions in my life, I thought about calling her six ways to Sunday before actually making my move. Would massage help me through chemotherapy treatments? Probably couldn't hurt! Especially during the second week of each cycle, when I bounced back physically and had residual effects from bone pain and sitting/laying in one place for too long.

Ann with a singing bowl.

Enter Ann M., CMT. I was sold after my first visit with her and made regular appointments to last through my chemo treatments and lead me into surgery. She has advanced education in neuromuscular massage, vibrational healing, and oncology massage. Her tool set made me feel a heck of a lot more comfortable with receiving a massage. She is also familiar with the lymphatic system and how to massage post-surgery. She is an angel of goodness in my life and I am so glad she's part of my team!

I love entering her massage space. It's a light blue color, reminiscent of calm waters or a cloudless sky. There's a few pops of red in the room, namely the lamps. She also has a host of angels in the room, which I enjoy and find comforting. There's nothing but good vibes and comfort in that sacred room!

Where the magic happens.

The bare necessities:
balance and hydration!

We start each session by talking about how I'm feeling. Is there anything new to know about or out of whack since last time? What treatments are planned for the future? What would I like her to focus on? Sometimes we also add a special meditation for a card that I pick randomly from a pile. These cards have all been great reminders or things to focus on throughout my treatment. For instance: the card I picked right before the Christmas holiday was "balance." How apropos! Ann read a page accompanying the card (with word definition, word origin, and things to consider when trying to balance).

Then we begin. I usually choose to begin our session with a meditation. Ann guides the meditation time and uses singing bowls and ohm tuning forks for added relaxation. Her massages are not intrusive or painful, like some massages can be. She uses hot stones and bamboo to work muscles gently.

I'm appreciative of conventional Western medicine - after all, it has helped me. Even so, I'm equally thankful for the "alternative" medicines I've sought out: reiki, meditation, acupuncture, pilates, lymphatic PT, and massage. It's a privilege to not have to work during this life adventure. The "extra" time allows me to not only fit in all of the recommended treatments, but also some medical-related appointments that I can look forward to!

Thank you, Ann, for your healing touch and continual support. You're an inspiration to me.

Ann Martin, CMT
303-378-6250

Decisions, Decisions...

2012-01-12T14:27:00.003-07:00

The latest "big" decision I've been dealing with is: Should I participate in a recommended clinical trial or not?

Seems straightforward, but it's not as cut and dry when you've already been through chemo and don't really want to revisit that - plus your body is still recovering from the last chemo, surgery, and radiation. Get my drift?

For those of you that want to know the answer up front -- yes, I've decided in favor of participating in the clinical trial. For those of you that want to know more about the trial and my decision to try to participate, keep reading!

What does this decision mean?
It means I'm willingly applying to be a participant in a clinical trial. Just because I'm a BC gal that looks to be a good test subject, I don't have an automatic "in" with the clinical trial. They need to run some screening tests (bloodwork, EKG, possible others) to make sure I'm a good candidate. I also need to make sure my insurance will cover this trial, as the trial does not cover all of the expenses related to participating in this study.

When does it start?
At minimum, I will need 14 days between radiation (which ends on January 19) and the beginning of the clinical trial. I can begin as late as 84 days post-radiation; however, I'm of the mind to get it started sooner so I can enjoy this summer! I'm tentatively scheduled to meet with the head of this clinical trial during the first week of February. At that time, I'll have screening tests done, sign the consent form in person, and ask any additional questions I have about the trial. It could begin as soon as the test results are in and I'm cleared to participate.

What phase is this trial?
This clinical trial is a randomized Phase II study. A Phase II trial is defined as: Controlled clinical studies conducted to evaluate the effectiveness of the drug for a particular indication or indications in patients with the disease or condition under study and to determine the common short-term side effects and risks.

What the study will entail:
I will be randomized into 1 of 2 groups after my screening tests are complete. The two groups are:

Group A: Cisplatin through a 60 minute IV on Day 1, to be repeated every 21 days for a total of 4 treatments (12 weeks total)

Group B: Cisplatin through a 60 minute IV on Day 1, to be repeated every 21 days for a total of 4 treatments (12 weeks total) + Receive study drug (PARP inhibitor) on days 1, 2, and 3 to be repeated every 21 days for a total of 4 treatments + After 4 treatments, go on a maintenance treatment of just PARP inhibitor taken by mouth once a week for a total of 24 weeks

After the trial, they will monitor my health through an end of treatment visit 1-2 months from my last treatment. And via follow-up appointments (done every 4 months for years 1 and 2 and every 6 months for years 3-5).

How did I make this decision?

With the help of my medical care providers, my family (they asked questions and researched with me), friends (bouncing ideas/concerns off of them), and by asking myself if I could live with a clear conscience if I didn't do the study. The benefits are at least two-fold:

1. No matter the arm of the study, I'm receiving Cisplatin - a drug that's proven to be effective in metastatic breast cancer cases. It should seek and destroy cancer cells if any remain in me.

2. The results from this trial will be used to help other breast cancer survivors.

I don't necessarily want do it, but realize the value in receiving Cisplatin at this point (and therefore a need to participate). I want to come to the cancer-fighting table with "guns blazing" and this trial offers me the chance to do one more thing to kick some cancer cell ass. (Remind me of the reasoning for this decision if I get grumpy about the study, please.)

Change Your Life With Green Smoothies

2012-01-07T15:00:00.000-07:00

Green Smoothies can change your life.

Our first encounter with green smoothies was earlier this Summer when Laura and I watched Kris Carr's Crazy Sexy Cancer documentary. I made green smoothies daily for a few weeks and we really enjoyed them, Laura too! Getting the smoothies prepared and ready in the morning began to be hard for me to keep up with and I lost motivation to make the shakes. We would have one once every couple of weeks.

We like green smoothies...for real!!!

Recently Laura and I watched another health documentary called Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead. It was inspiring and after watching the difference a juice fast, or reboot as they referred to in the film, could alter a person's life, I was determined to start juicing for our health. I began researching how to make juices with our Vitamix, which it turns out is easy to do, with the help of a cheesecloth for straining.

As I'm apt to do when I get carried away on a new topic of interest I wanted to know more about green juices and smoothies and I stumbled upon Victoria Boutenko. Victoria and her family went on a raw vegetable diet to combat health issues, and found that after being on the diet for a year they were not feeling as energetic and well as they should have been. So she began researching and studying many things among them the diet of chimpanzees and found the missing link to her family's diet was more "leafy greens". Way more.

Standard American vs. Chimpanzee diet (courtesy of http://www.rawfamily.com/green-smoothie)

Chimpanzee vs. Raw-Foodist diet (courtesy of http://www.rawfamily.com/green-smoothie)

Boutenky's asserts that leafy greens belong in a food category of their own and that it is a mistake to lump them in with other vegetables. I wholeheartedly agree. After reading two of Victoria Boutenko's more popular books, Green for Life and Green Smoothie Revolution, I was back on the smoothie bandwagon full speed ahead, although after Laura's upcoming clinical trial where there will be more chemo, I'd like for us to to try a juice cleanse.

There are some great free green smoothie recipes on Victoria's web site rawfamily.com, and here is the breakdown of our most recent "go to" smoothie. If possible, use organically grown ingredients.

1 cucumber (unpeeled)
2-4 kale leaves (the Vitamix blends the hard stems so I add them for extra fiber)
1-2 swiss chard leaves and stems
1-2 green collard leaves and stems
1 broccoli stem (these are usually leftover and we save them)
1 celery stem
1 banana (freeze them when they are green for less sugar content)
1 apple (or a handful of grapes or berries)
1-2 tablespoons ginger (whole unpeeled)
1 cup water (so it mixes and is thin enough to drink)
1 cup ice
Small amount of fruit juice to taste (or stevia)

Another favorite variation is to leave out the broccoli stem and cucumber and add a whole golden or red beet with its leafy tops.

Anything goes, your imagination is the limit, just try to keep the fruit to 20% and leafy greens at 80%. For example I tried adding leeks recently and that was interesting, a bit too stout for our liking. It was a little like an Italian green shake. A clove of garlic is also fun and adds a zing and is good for you. Just don't schedule any meetings afterwards without brushing your teeth. We've also been adding homemade Kombucha tea to the smoothie, which gives it additional zing and helps thin out a thick smoothie. Apple juice and water also work fine to thin a thick shake.

The thing that has really helped us stay regular with the smoothies is to cut the veggies after cooking dinner and blend before going to bed. Put in the fridge for the morning and with another quick mix, you are all set to pour and go. The Sundesa 28 oz blender bottles with the metal ball in them are perfect for sipping on the go and easily allow you to remix, or add a little fluid whenever you need to.

Radiation in a Nutshell

2012-01-03T11:43:00.000-07:00

Love heals.
So does radiation.

The type of radiation I'm receiving is external-beam radiation delivered in the form of photon beams. My radiation plan consists of 25 "daily" (weekday) appointments. I will receive a total of 5,000 centigray (cGy) during the course of this treatment. This cumulative dosage is a lifetime maximum; no more radiation in the same quadrant on my body after this stint.

Although my total dosage of radiation is 5,000 cGy, it is divided into 25 treatments =

200 cGy daily via two planes of radiation to my chest wall and breast skin + 2cm of skin all the way around my breast

-AND-
180 cGy daily via straight-on radiation at my neck lymph nodes

Each day I go in, get dressed in my smock, and wait for one of the technicians to invite me in. I walk through a doorway (the door is about 6" thick!) and into the radiation room. Here's a view of the room at that point:

The room is a cool temperature because of the machinery's needs. I take my smock off and lay down on the table, putting my arms up in the arm rests. I usually opt to have a warm blanket placed on my stomach/legs to feel more comfortable.

The frying pan.

It is important for my body to be in the exact same position as it was during the simulation, so all the planes of radiation are hitting exactly where it was planned to go. (Don't want to overshoot things and accidentally nuke my entire lung or anything!) How do they do this? Using tattoos! Yes, I received 4 tattoos (they look like black freckles): one on my left side, one on my right side, one in the middle of my chest (between my boobs), and another just outside of my right-side armpit.

Using fixed laser beams, they align my body to the beams and move the table to my "special" position: 97.7 on the dial. Then we're good to get started. My radiation treatment is a three step process:

Receive plane of radiation from upper left side: aimed at my chest wall and breast.
Receive plane of radiation from lower right side: aimed at my chest wall and breast.
Receive rectangle of radiation from directly in front: aimed at my neck lymph nodes.

Of the 25 treatments, 12 include this weird stuff called bolus. The best way I can describe it is: same feel as GelGems (those decorative sticky things you slap onto windows for decoration), but double the thickness. I have my own special cut sheet of bolus. It is used to "trick" the radiation into thinking the bolus is my skin; in a way, it forces the beam concentration to be on the breast skin (not penetrating further). The bolus is used for the first two steps in my radiation treatment. It is not used for the neck lymph node treatments. Since the bolus concentrates the radiation at my skin surface, my skin reacts by getting red a few days after those treatments.

A bolus day.

If you are still reading, you're a tropper and a curious human being. Hang with me - I think this stuff is fascinating.

With the beams of radiation, how do they "miss" my right lung and spinal column? By these neat things called multileaf collimators (MLCs). You can see them in the picture below - the top set of MLCs is mostly closed (with an open line down the middle), the bottom set is a trapezoid. These MLCs are customized for each patient. My plan, when loaded up into the machinery software, is set to block out as much radiation as possible to my lungs, spinal cord, etc. for each plane of radiation.

MLCs in machine.

There is a "step-and-move" done with the MLCs. Basically, the MLCs move while the radiation is administered. The MLCs not only block out other parts of my body that we don't want radiated, but they also focus radiation onto my chest wall by being open at first, then closing to block out most of the breast skin. Although they've blocked out the majority of my spine and lung from being radiated, there will still be some exposure. They want to be sure to get the entire chest wall and breast skin area - so compromises must be made. I may have some scar tissue on my lungs, but that will only show up in x-rays and should not change my lung capacity or breathing.

And that, dear readers, is radiation in a nutshell!

Eve of 2011/2012

2011-12-29T12:29:00.001-07:00

Happy New Year's Eve, blog readers and blurkers.

Since about 1999, this day of the year has passed without much pomp and circumstance. This year, we're doing something different: we're getting together with Karen and Kris - a couple that are in our lives now thanks to BC. I met Karen earlier this summer at a Look Good, Feel Better event that...well, that never happened on the day we met. Her mother (Kathy) was with her and my aunt Sandy was with me. Thanks to Kathy suggesting we sit in a room and talk about our experiences, we exchanged "war stores" about our breast cancer experience so far and exchanged contact information. Since then, we've stuck to checking in on each other and meeting up when we're able. I'm excited to share New Year's Eve with Karen, Kris, and some of their friends.

I'm fully aware the coming year will be a continuation of my treatment; still, 2012 holds promise for us. It's exciting to be 6+ months into the BC journey and feeling mentally and physically well. I have a glimmer back in my eyes. I'm living more in the present and yet looking to the future with hopes, dreams, and realistic expectations.

As Jo aptly commented earlier this week: "Happy New Year (it better be)." I couldn't have said it better myself, Jo!

Here's to kicking cancer's ass for GOOD in 2012!

Me and Karen - Dec. 18, 2011.
We're proud of our short, sexy hair!

Physical Therapy (PT)

2011-12-29T11:58:00.001-07:00

An illustration of the lymphatic system
from a National Lymphedema Network brochure.

In mid-November, Jill (plastic surgeon's office) deemed me ready for physical therapy. My referral was to OncologyRehab, a PT office that helps oncological patients. This particular group focuses on reducing lymphedema risk, minimizing pain and swelling, and maximizing function.

Lymphedema: swelling of the arm, hand, trunk, or breast caused by a build-up of lymph fluid in those tissues after breast cancer surgery. Edema is the medical term for swelling. Lymphedema can develop at any time after surgery.

It's important that I do what I can to reduce my risk of lymphedema. Since all 16 of my level one lymph nodes were taken, the rest of my lymphatic system will have to compensate for that loss. Because of the lymph nodes taken, and because of the radiation I'm receiving, there is a higher risk of me developing lymphedema. Learning what to watch out for and how to not overtax my body is important!

There are 5 ways in which I can overtax my arm:
1. Activity
2. Injury
3. Air pressure changes
4. Systemic infection
5. Weight gain

Meet Brianna, my physical therapist.

The physical therapist/lymphatic expert I've been paired with is Brianna. She is a great match for me! She wants to stretch things (ar, ar, ar...) but also is on the conservative side of what activities I should/should not do. We both don't want me to hinder my progress by doing too much too quickly. Since I've recovered well from surgery, it's sometimes easy to forget that I have physical limitations.

Brianna gave me instructions to activate and "teach" my lymph system via massage techniques. I practice these massages twice daily - in the morning and evening in bed. Joshua helps some, which my left arm appreciates; it gets tired of doing it all. At the beginning of PT, I had two approved stretches that I could perform: the "bye-bye" exercise twice daily and the standing in a corner/in a door frame 3+ times daily.

I inquired about lower abdominal toning exercises that I can do now to help not only tone my stomach, but also my lower back. I miss my sit-ups! (OMG - did I just say that?) The belly has gotten soft since surgery. Anything I can focus on and improve physically at this point is a good thing. Speaking of improvement... My right arm range of motion has increased drastically since I first began PT. Each saline fill would set me back some, but I would rebound nicely after a couple of PT appointments after those fills. Now that the fills are over on the right side, I believe I can continue improving even further.

Earlier in December, I was approved to do some more stretches, which makes me happy. It feels good to do more on my own to help with my range of motion and strength. I've also gotten approval for increasing my exercise routine - no longer do I have to just stroll! I can kick it up a notch at a time and increase my walking speed, add hills, and will eventually build up to jogging a little at a time. Gradually, I'll add strength training, weights, and yoga. Then hopefully Slim in 6 and P90. I know I've got a long way to go and, although I'm not sure of the timeline, I know when I meet P90X again in the future that I'll feel like Superwoman! Until that time in the distant future, though, it's baby steps.

Side note about Brianna: she wrote up an interesting guest blog post on a friend's site about PT being the "missing link" in breast cancer treatment post-surgery. I found it insightful, interesting, and TRUE. Please read her short article: The Missing Link (physical therapy).

Merry Christmas

2011-12-25T10:12:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since a blog post. What can I say? I've been busy like the rest of humanity with holidays preparations in addition to cancer-fighting appointments. Next week, I hope to add a couple of posts about radiation and PT.

The most popular questions, by far, the past couple of weeks are:

How are you doing? - I am doing well and feeling even better. Over the past few weeks, I've marveled about how I feel better than I did prior to surgery. Guess the chemo is still getting out of me and I feel stronger physically each week than the week prior. Two days ago, I jogged for the first time since mid-chemo. It was a slow, mild jog, but baby steps are necessary so I don't push my body too far and suffer as a result. The jogging was in 1 minute increments between quick-paced walking. It felt great to reach jogging status again and I hope to be able to jog at least a straight mile by the end of January. It would mean a lot to me to get to that point. So cheers to my last chemo being 3 months ago and surgery being 2 months ago (to the day). It feels great to be on the other side of those mileposts.
Do you have a sunburn yet from radiation?/How's radiation going? - Radiation is going well. So far, it's mostly just an annoying appointment in the middle of each day. Friday's treatment was the first time I noticed some pink coloring on the quadrant they're treating. And it's a bit itchy. So...I suspect more signs similar to sunburning will begin to occur. I'm able to get my arms into positition above my head more easily now, thanks to physical therapy and stretches designed to increase my range of motion.

Now for the holiday part of this post:

Hopefully most of you are with your loved ones, family, and/or friends today. Take a load off, kick back, and observe the good things around you. I've encouraged myself to release expectations of what Christmas should be...and to revel in what Christmas this year is. It's a paradigm shift that has made it easier for me to enjoy and be present at this holiday time of year.

I sincerely wish the best for us all in the coming year. May 2012 bring about positives for us all - including good health.

Merry Christmas from our hearts to yours.
~Laura and Joshua

Life's Circle Poem

2011-12-20T18:00:00.000-07:00

A meadow's lark, a newborn's tear,

Life lies ahead, heart beats without fear.

A mother's breast, a child's whim,

A rose petaled kiss, a soft touch to the skin.

Open eyes, towards the heavenly sky,

Never alone, together we fly high.

Centennial, CO

Buddha Bowl Recipe

2011-12-18T12:00:00.000-07:00

This is a great meal that can be made in large batches, is super healthy and will last throughout the week. It can be eaten as a main course and used as a side equally well. The most time intensive portion of making Buddha bowl is chopping the veggies, so if you have a food processor, you might want to go that route to save time. Start by making your healthy grains, then add the chopped veggies, some oil to make things slippery. Top your Buddha bowl off with proteins and add some flavoring.

Healthy grains:
-brown or wild rice
-millet or quinoa (both quick to cook and great for you!)

Plus any combo of veggies:
-zuchhini, squash
-broccoli or cauliflower (cut in tiny florets)
-finely chopped greens (kale, romaine, arugula, spinach, etc)
-onion or scallions
-grated carrot
-chopped celery
-1 – 2 cloves fresh garlic
-grated ginger

Proteins:
We also add a few cans of organic beans for additional protein, try out some different varieties. Firm Tofu and chicken also are good; cooked and cut into cube size bites.

Flavoring:
-Ground flax seeds, if you have them
-olive oil or flax oil to dress (1 – 2 teaspoon)
-sea salt or Braggs
-dash of cayenne
-turmeric
-oregano

Sometimes we caramelize chopped onions in oil with garlic and toss that into the Buddha bowl with the veggies. Other alternatives include curries, Asian chili sauce, Mexican spices, use your imagination, different cultural spices give the Buddha bowl a different character and keep it interesting. It's fun to be creative with this recipe, play around and get to know spices you haven't used before!

Buddha Bowl

Buddha bowl goes great with fresh avocados on the side.

An Interview with Jo Myers

2011-12-14T22:22:00.000-07:00

On the right-hand side of this blog, you'll see links to "Other BC Blogs of Interest." One of those blogs is Jo's. Another BC survivor, someone on my team of professionals, told me about her site and that she had a unique personality. I was all ears and uber curious! Immediately I went home and checked out her blog.

LOVED IT. Her sense of humor resonated deep within me. Her upfront nature stood out among others. Her bright pink wig? - Wait, I have that same one! The power and positivity behind her blog gave me a shot of adrenaline each time I read a new post. And seeing someone just ahead of me in the journey gave me more hope.

Long story short, I was a blurker on her blog for a few months before I gathered the guts to send her an email to both comment on her blog and introduce myself. We corresponded back and forth for a few weeks and eventually met in person. The second time we got together, Jo interviewed me for one of her "Club C" posts she does on her blog. I was excited, nervous, anxious, and sweaty!

Listen to the fruits of her labor here:

Club C with Jo and Laura

Let me/us know what you think about what you hear. (The audio is in QuickTime format, and may take a while to load.)

Christopher Walken (Jo) and John Malkovich (me).
Can you see the resemblance?

We're pretty when we smile.

Now it's Time for the "Easy Stuff"

2011-12-13T15:02:00.001-07:00

Modeling a handy dandy 3-holed smock.

Radiation and physical therapy.

Physical therapy began several weeks ago. I'll save details for a future post on that. Today, the focus is on radiation.

My treatments began TODAY! I will have 25 daily appointments for radiation (except for weekends and 2 holidays). The appointments are short (~20 minutes), with most of the time spent getting undressed/dressed. I am receiving radiation to my chest wall, skin, and lymph nodes to minimize the chances of cancer creeping up in those areas. The radiation is focused on a "quadrant" of my body - that is: sternum to my side by my armpit, and mid-neck to just under my breast skin where the lower part of the expander lies underneath.

I do have some special guidelines to follow during radiation and for several weeks afterwards:

wear nothing but cotton around the quadrant being radiated; no synthetic blends allowed
use cornstarch on the area throughout the day - especially where my skin may rub/touch together (armpit, expanded boob and arm, etc.)
use only approved moisturizer to keep skin moisturized during radiation
no necklaces; they may irritate the skin :(

Although some people experience fatigue during radiation, I may not experience (or notice) much. This is because of already having gone through chemo. Since I'm still rebounding from that (and surgery), the hope is that I'll still be feeling better each day and not really notice the fatigue that radiation can cause. I will probably notice the skin issues, though (redness, itchiness, soreness, etc.). Those are expected to happen in the last 2 weeks of treatment.

I've set an appointment for next week with one of the radiation oncologists to go over my treatment plan in person to discuss the technical information in more detail. I hope to learn more about my specific planes of radiation so I can share that information with you all. Also, I've been given the green light to take picture of the machinery and have asked one of the radiation oncologists to take some pictures of me up on the table during a treatment session. So stay tuned for more radiation information.

Ooh, la-la! Going into the radiation area for the first time.
Take note of the hair growth, please. Yay!!

Cooks in the Kitchen

2011-12-11T10:56:00.000-07:00

Open-faced veggie sandwiches with sliced cucumbers. Mmm!

Buddha bowl, organic chicken, asparagus, and avodaco.

A big thank you to the folks who have taken on my dietary guidelines as a cooking challenge. At first, I thought my dietary restrictions would do me in...that I wouldn't be strong enough to follow them. However, it's now been nearly 6 months and I've followed them well. Yes, there have been exceptions and they are not every day, nor do I want them to become that way.

Joshua wholeheartedly dove into the alkaline diet with me. His first trip to the grocery store back in June/July took nearly 2 hours, but he found a TON of things that I could eat, and was careful to check ingredients on everything before purchasing. Isn't that wonderful? Surely not every breast cancer individual is so fortunate. He really has taken this on as a culinary challenge! He cooks for us with love.

A good number of other folks - work mates, neighbors, friends, family - have taken to the cooking challenge, too. Thanks so much for your help with meals! Although we do enjoy prepping and cooking together, it is a huge relief during these times to not have to plan meals, get groceries, and prepare food for every meal of the week. Your help is appreciated by both of us!

Adam didn't know the diameter of a portabello
could be that large!

Mmm...portabello fajitas!

My Expansion Process

2011-12-08T09:20:00.128-07:00

The whole expanding process has been...well, it's been a lot of things. It's exciting. It's foreign. It's scientific. And it's painful. Today, I offer to you hand-drawn exhibits of each step I've taken in the expansion process. Got questions? Ask!

right: 150cc, left: 150cc
(rectangles = tape over my incisions)

Exhibit A (October 25): my post-op breast skin over slightly filled prepubescent-looking expanders. Dr. B (plastic surgeon) was able to put in 150cc saline into my expanders. I remember the morning after surgery when Dr. B came to check in on me and peek at my chest. When he was unhooking the "iron maiden" bra I was wearing, I began to wonder what I'd see. Bruises? An Edward Scissorhands type of craft project gone wrong? Zig zags? Concave chest? Much to my delight, I beheld something vastly different from what my imagination conjured up that morning. I had breasts. Well, ok...breast look-alikes. They were small, but they were there. What a great feeling.

right: 270cc, left: 270cc

Exhibit B (November 7): my first fill. Dr. B's office gave me 2 weeks to heal post-surgery before "giving" me any saline. That day, Jill gave my expanders 120cc of saline. Not bad for a first fill, and a noticeable difference - immediately! Also...the pain of the expansion for 4-5 days. Ouch. I posted "cancer porn" pictures about the process in this earlier post.

right: 350cc, left: 350cc

Exhibit C (November 14): my second fill. After giving Jill an accurate account about the first fill and my days in pain - that, and there didn't seem to be a hurry since I'd likely have chemo first and be able to expand slowly - they decided to go easy on me. They stopped at 80cc that day. I only felt pain for 1 day.

right: 470cc, left 350cc

Exhibit D (November 22): my third fill. A lot changed in a week's worth of time. After meeting with Mr. Clinical Trial Guy we learned that, much to my dismay, radiation must come first. Then the clinical trial chemo - per clinical trial protocol. Time to switch into super-expando mode because radiation needs to begin 6-8 weeks after surgery. No later. Heather (Jill's stand-in) was my contact that day. She said that based on radiation needs, it was time to stop expanding the left side and focus only on getting the right side expanded beyond what I'll want in the end.

Radiation in a nutshell:
-My right breast skin will be expanded beyond what I want to end up with cup-wise. This is because of the effects radiation has on the skin. It tightens everything up and although I'll do what I can to keep things "supple," radiation will no doubt result in tighter, not-so-stretchy skin. Being over-expanded on the right gives Dr. B. some skin to work with come time for my "switch-out surgery" (trading expanders for implants).

-My left breast skin will stay low profile from now through radiation. The radiation planes they need to use on me require some radiation to pass low in front of my left chest area. Nobody wants to radiate anything they don't have to - skin, organs, etc. That's why the left breast skin is going to stay safe under the radiation plane and why it is going to stay small throughout my radiation treatments (5 weeks). I'll get that one filled after radiation - at a normal pace!

Since I kinda had a feeling of what I was in for that day, I prepared for this appointment by taking a muscle relaxant an hour beforehand. (And for 2-3 days after, too.) That's partially why, I'm convinced, I was able to take 120cc of saline in the right breast. Yowzers! That's a LOT. My pecs were unhappy that afternoon, night, and the next day. Oh yeah, and did I mention a PT appointment right after this fill? Crazy! And yet...I think it helped even out the hurt, if that makes any sense.

right: 590cc, left: 350cc

Exhibit E (November 28): my fourth fill. According to Jill, my skin is looking healthy, recovering well from surgery, and responding well to super expansion. I still have more weeks to go by before I'm given permission to swim (boo!), but I can now take my exercise up a few notches and elevate my heart rate to the point where I get pink in the face and sweat. Woo-hoo! I received another 120cc in my right breast and, they think that if I can handle another fill next week, expansion might be done on that side. <big sigh - and finger crossing!>

right: 695cc, left: 350cc

Exhibit F (December 5): my fifth fill. Everything is looking nice and my skin is doing well. I took in 105cc in my right breast and that, folks, is a wrap! At just under 700cc on the right, my expansion pre-radiation is done and it's time to call the radiation oncologist. Thank goodness for diazepam pills. They helped me get through the expansion at the office and helped for a several days afterwards when my right arm and breast were quite uncomfortable.

My OG

2011-12-02T17:26:00.001-07:00

Me and G

A long time ago, in a land far, far, away...

...I went to high school with OG (who shall heretofore be named G in this post). G and I were fortunate to get back in touch earlier this year - before all the c-word stuff happened. She's been like an angel to me...filling my inbox with emails that cover subjects far and wide. It's like stepping into a magical land reading tales of everyday life, stories of times past, memories we both share, and current goings on. Her long-distance support is something so strong and palpable that I sometimes forget we're "long distance" friends.

Being a thoughtful person, G asked early on about coming to visit, and when a good time might be for that visit to occur. I wasn't quite sure why, exactly, but my brain kept thinking "after surgery." And so it was. And so she did. Perfect timing. I'd hit a slump a couple of weeks beforehand where I'd do a downward spiral/snowballing thing mid-afternoon and into the evening. Post-op depression? Maybe. General funk about this seemingly never-ending process of which I've been a part for 6+months? Yep.

Waiting room entertainment =
filling out forms and cell phones!

We fit a lot [of talking] into her quick visit. Since I still wasn't driving at the time, mom drove to pick up G from the airport. As soon as we picked her up and we had a bite to eat, it was time for a BC appointment! G was a trooper and came along to my first physical therapy appointment.

The four of us enjoyed dinner at mom's place the first night. Mmm...tacos!

Taco night!

The next day, we decided to cook some chia-pumpkin muffins. A double batch, even. Woo-hoo! Gettin' crazy in the kitchen. We had a lot of laughs and great conversation during this muffin process. And we also managed to finish nearly all the muffins by the time she left Colorado. Man, those are great muffins! (Recipe to come once we've tweaked it some more.)

G with Bake Fresh muffin papers a la 1971, we think.
We're helping mom get rid of relics...

G in her "What would Julia do?" pose.

That night, we watched a doozy of a film: Premonition (no, not the Sandra Bullock one). Ugh! How that movie received a 6.2 IMDB rating is a mystery to both of us. And what is it with watching bad movies when friends visit? Sorry! Makes for funny inside jokes and stuff, at least. To rebound from a slacker of a movie, we went out for a sushi dinner. Long time, no sushi. I ate mostly sashimi (raw seafood without rice), but did indulge in some rolls, too. Mmmm...I felt a special sense of freedom from eating sushi again. Sushi wasn't allowed during chemo.

I'm too sexy for this roll.
Yes, "sexy roll" is the actual name.
Looked like boobies to us!

I so enjoyed getting to know more about thirtysomething G. We even got the yearbook out for a while and did random updates or reminiscing about people we knew/know. We even had time that last morning to watch some old videos of high school days...belly laughs ensued. Then it was time to say goodbye. That's usually the hardest part; this time was no different.

Me and OG. We're tough. We don't take crap; we take names.
So what if it took 6 ~~shots~~ pictures to get us both looking bada$$. :)

The Centennial Post

2011-12-02T17:01:00.000-07:00

This post is a dedication to Laura’s “centennial” post – written in Centennial, CO. Laura started writing in June of this year, which equates to more than a post every other day. As I watched Laura write her last 10 entries I noticed she was nearing her 100th post and it seemed only fitting that I celebrate this achievement it with a write-up that looked back on where it all started. As my gift to her blog I’m also going to categorize her posts with labels and add a “tag cloud” onto her sidebar. As many of you know Laura loves organizing things, so I think this will be a neat feature to introduce her to.

Beautiful Laura

Most of the Ta-ta Times posts have been written by Laura, a few have been added by family. Before diagnosis, I remember we had talked about her starting a blog. Someday she would say, well maybe, we’ll see. It was our need to have a way to communicate to family and friends, once Laura had received her triple negative breast cancer diagnosis, which drove her to get the ball rolling with the blog. That is still the core reason the blog exists, but there is also now the hope Laura has that her blog may reach further than the people we know, to a stranger in a similar position who will see that cancer is not the death sentence it initially feels like, and can be lived with, with grace, humor, dignity. It does not mean the road ahead only consists of potholes filled with sadness and loss, it really is a new beginning, an opportunity to embrace the things that matter in life and find out who one really is.

Laura has always been a prolific writer. She has always kept multiple journals going; she enjoys writing with her pen pals and sharing back and forth email threads with those willing to invest the time. She’s a creative individual, has been known to be a colorful doodler in her earlier years and has been told she has an ideaphoric mind from an aptitude test she once took. Ideaphoria is where ideas jump from one to the next and don’t stop, building like a crescendo. As it turns out, her blog turns is a great outlet for this ideaphoria - as well as a great way to share important information with loved ones.

There is something thrilling when a blogger clicks “publish” and the newly minted post is available to the public at large. One never knows who is reading what’s been written and what might be commented on, or how the post may have a butterfly effect on readers from all parts of the world. There is a visceral excitement when one looks at the visitor count statistics and looking back on all those articles that have been written over a period of time, that is now a memory fading in the authors mind. It is a part of the soul frozen in time, put into a somewhat living venue for a possible eternity.

I know Laura enjoys reading and responding her post comments. It drives her to write and share more and helps her get through the tough days. The blog is a two way street, an interactive venue between author and readers. I’m left with a great smile knowing how much joy being a blog author gives Laura and to see it blossoming into a passion, that it is helping her on her journey.

Before Ta-ta Times was conceived Laura made lists of possible names for this blog she was thinking of starting. She had picked the current name out on her own, I didn’t even know about it, although she did throw a couple ideas my way. Picking a blog domain name is a very personal decision, much like naming a child. It will become something you can put all your love and energy into and the world will then do with it what they chose. I love the name she found. It is an aptly fitting title and will serve her well however long she decides to keep writing posts. Laura recently made her blog public and it is now indexed by Google. This hasn't changed her site traffic much, but the hope is that someone going through a similar experience may stumble upon the Times and find solace in what Laura is sharing.

Like many bloggers Laura sometimes has dry spells, the proverbial writers block, but she is smart and builds up topics in her post queue when she is going through the ideaphoric periods, where the ideas flow so fleetingly it is hard capture them all before the next washes over the previous, like waves cresting in an ocean of thoughts. This is part of the excitement in maintaining a public blog.

Laura’s blog is her gift to the world and a way to channel the creativity and thoughts that bubble up and put them into a form for friends and family, and the occasional stranger, so that they might breathe a little easier, laugh, and shed a tear sharing these very real life experiences, which touch upon what it means to be alive and live the human condition.

Top 5: Why Removing Your Breast Tissue can be a Good Thing

2011-12-01T16:51:00.000-07:00

This list is a harder one. I'm limiting it to 5...for obvious reasons at this point. I'll go back to 10 in the future, though.

I also thought it would be more appropriate to make these Top 10 lists more in line with the way David Letterman used to do his. Starting with this one (if I can remember to do so), I'm doing the countdown in reverse...with number 1 being the uber top of the list (even though it's visually at the bottom).

5. They were in the way sometimes, anyhow. Especially while jogging and jumping in Zumba.
4. Makes for interesting conversation. (groan)
3. No bra wearing. At all.
2. No mid-waist sagging in my future-ever!
1. The boobs (and lymph nodes) that were trying to kill me are OUTTA HERE!

Boob-berry Bars, Anyone? (It's Chocolate!)

2011-11-29T12:43:00.001-07:00

There's a small local business by the name of The Chocolate Therapist in Littleton, Colorado. According to their own literature in the store and on their web site, their chocolate is "handcrafted using all-natural chocolate and health-enhancing ingredients like nuts, spices, organic flavoring oils and dried berries."

When I "graduated" from chemo, my massage therapist gave me an encouraging card and a bag of their 72% dark chocolate couvertures. Boy, what a treat! I hadn't had any chocolate since the end of May! They melted in my mouth and I savored every last one.

So thought I'd do a little plug in case there are folks out there who like chocolate (they have all kinds, not just dark, fyi) and are looking for quality chocolate. The owner, Julie, has a promotion going until the end of the year: for every Boob-berry bar sold, $1 will be donated to breast cancer research.

The Chocolate Therapist
303-795-7913
2560 West Main Street
Littleton, CO 80120

www.thechocolatetherapist.com

The Naked Eye

2011-11-27T13:46:00.000-07:00

Turns out, I did lose ALL of my hair. What makes chemo folks look different, I've determined, is our lack of facial hair - especially the eyebrows! When those vacate, one begins looking a bit like a visitor from a parallel universe, if you know what I mean. Case and point: see the close-ups.

These pictures were taken ~2 weeks post-surgery.
Hardly a hint of hair.

No time for eyebrows this day.
But you get the idea.

I look normal to myself without any makeup, but when the total hair loss thing caught up with me (~2 weeks after surgery/6 weeks after my last chemo), I looked weird even to myself. Enter my makeup lesson from the Look Good Feel Better seminar I attended months ago. Time to turn those notes into practical application!

Luckily for us post-chemo folk, the total hair loss days are not long. Just last week, I noticed tiny, mini eyelashes. Not long enough to pull at - not even long enough to apply mascara onto - but they exist! Also, a "shadow" of eyebrows...like I had shaved them off. The hair growing back was just under the skin - and even THAT made me look more human-like than before. Then the stubbles started coming out. It's a slow process, and there's a good portion of me that's reluctant to fully celebrate each hair's arrival. After all, I may lose it all again. Bummer.

Front stubble.

Back [of head] fuzz.

My frizzy, teddy bear-like hair is soft and I'm using an equine shampoo to see if it helps. Yes, this means I'm using horse shampoo. See picture to the right: Mega-Tek is supposed to help revitalize the growth and strength of the hairs. I am glad to see it coming back.

Not only do I feel like I'm gaining strength post-surgery, but I also feel like all of my rapidly growing cells (hair, nails, skin, etc.) are making a comeback of their own. My nails are still frail and were really thin from the chemo, so I'm using a nail hardener to help them along.

My skin is already back to normal everywhere that it wasn't. It's good to FEEL like a human to the touch again.

Thanksgiving 2011

2011-11-24T17:43:00.000-07:00

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. This year it was a small celebration here: me, Joshua, and my mom. We each brought something to the table, which was nice. Technically, I didn't bring food to the table...but I was helpful in setting places, getting drinks, and most of the cleaning afterwards. It is a powerful and positive experience to help as I'm able right now.

I've been reflecting on the past year - in particular the past 6 months. Although there are reasons to feel other ways (which I do on occasion), today I am thankful and would like to share some of these blessings with you readers:

being married to a wonderful spouse who loves me right back - under construction and all
my parents working together to help me through this challenge in my life
having my mother's steadfast support through thick and thin
my dad and stepmom who have helped me with occasional "sanity check" phone calls and who have also helped us with cooking meals
Joshua's parents, who have listened to Joshua's needs and support us from afar
my medical team doing the best they can to help me fight and win this battle
kind neighbors that help us in so many ways
friends that are new in my life and those that have known me for a long time doing what they can to help and show their interest and support
strangers surprising me with uncanny connections and tales of triumph
having time to make "the" decision about the clinical trial and whether I'll take part in it or not
this blog providing a way to communicate directly with family, friends, and acquaintances; serving as a time capsule of sorts about this journey I'm on and some of the particulars involved; and (I hope) aiding someone unbeknownst to me that's also been diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer that wants to know more about the possible journey ahead
good food - and my voracious appetite!
my expanding lady lumps

Thanks to all who read this blog. Whether you comment or not, I am amazed at the viewership of these posts, and will continue updating with news when I'm able. If not for cancer, I would not have a blog. So thank you, cancer, for giving me an outlet for writing!

I hope to provide more updates in the coming days/week. There's been a lot of change going on around here...especially in the hair department. More soon!

Music Video

2011-11-23T10:13:00.000-07:00

Martina McBride's "I'm Gonna Love You Through It."
This is a beautiful music video that says so much. Wanted to share with you all.

http://martinamcbride.com/media/videos/397/16621

Jeney's Cut

2011-11-21T09:09:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since someone cut their hair to look like mine. No surprise there, especially with winter approaching. However, someone did something super specialrecently that I'd like to share.

Jeney is Adam's girlfriend. Adam is my brother. You've met her before on this blog. In case you missed it, meet Jeney again:

Hello, Jeney!

Jeney grew her hair out extra long so she could donate it to Locks of Love.

Snip, snip!

I believe I'm familiar with the feeling she was having in this picture:

Yes, was too late to change your mind.
It's temporary. And yours is for a great cause!

Isn't she cute? I think the new hairdo is brilliant on her.

Thank you, Jeney, for donating in my honor. I know a person is waiting out there who will be appreciative to receive your locks. Your hair was (and is!) beautiful.

Can you do the Macarena?

2011-11-18T08:00:00.001-07:00

I guess that's now the standard question post-mastectomy surgery. That's the first question my general surgeon asked me at my first post-op meeting with her this week! Could I do it? Not so well. But after my PT appointment today, I hope to learn how to increase my range of motion and strength.

More information to come later about the clinical trial. My family and I have some time to think about it; I'm thankful for that. It is a lot to consider. Especially now, while rebuilding my strength after surgery. What we know for sure is that radiation must come first. Which means…we've gotta pump these boobs up! Quick!

I'm a Surwor!

2011-11-16T20:56:00.000-07:00

Before the day of surgery, I was told by many to bring a snap/button shirt. You just can't wrangle into a regular shirt after a double mastectomy. (I guess you could if you had to, but why do that?!) They were all right! I brought one (the only one I owned) along with me and it worked fine. I also purchased three others from Goodwill so I'd have a few others to use while my arm mobility was limited.

Problem is: I'm not as much of a fan of snap/button-up shirts as others may be. For whatever reason, my shirts are 95% pullover shirts. Including short sleeved shirts.

Enter another survivor's blog. Thanks to Jo already having been through her surgery, she found a creative way to make it look like she was wearing a pullover shirt even though she wasn't! Jo is awesome and inspiring - in so many ways. She's also crafty and I'm SO glad I read the particular blog about re-engineering shirts right before surgery. Check it out below or on Jo's blog entry about "mastectomy style":

Step 1: Take any shirt you're willing to forever alter. Use scissors to cut the back side of it vertically - all the way from the bottom hem to the neckline.

Step 2: Using your choice of fasteners (buttons, velcro, safety pins), apply in several places along the back side - enough to keep the shirt on you.

Mom and Sandy chose to use sticky velcro.
Worked like a charm (but does not survive washing, fyi).

We applied thee velcro down from the neck a bit
so it wouldn't be too tight around my neck.

Step 3: Have someone help you get on and fasten your shirt and you're nearly ready. Just don't forget a shirt or hoodie to go over the craft project. (Espeically if you have nonsense words on the back like mine.)

Enough velcro to make the shirt stay on.
But not too close to the bottom hem for comfort when sitting down.
Anything pulling on my drain grenades = not cool.
Who knew I'd be a BC Surwor? :)

A Quick Weekend

2011-11-15T15:34:00.000-07:00

We had a short visit from Rachel, a long-time friend of mine. Long ago, she used to babysit me and my brother. I lost touch with her after middle school until my first year of college. Long story short, we ended up being roommates while in college!

She managed to fit in a quick visit before her father's sinus surgery, which was so generous! Larry, I do hope you're mending well. We enjoyed seeing her, getting caught up on our lives, exchanging cooking tips, etc.

Rachel was a whirling dervish in our kitchen nearly the entire time she was in Colorado! Joshua stepped aside (not easy for him to do) and she took the helm of the grand alkaline cooking ship. The smells were good; the food was fresh; the shared food, talks, and laughter were priceless. Thank you, Rachel.

One pumpkin = not too many seeds,
but FOUR baking sheets worth of gourd meat!

Rachel is an experienced bread baker; however, she hadn't made a 100% whole wheat version before. Her batch made two loaves and it was scrumptious! With a bit of butter and blue agave...OMG. Both loaves are already gone; if only she had baked 10 more loaves. :) We hope to get the refined recipe from her soon.

She is - and should be - proud of her bread batch!

Girls that play together stay together. We both looked fashionable in our hats and thought we'd practice our latest 1960's go-go dancer / ninja / Charlie's Angels moves for a photo or two.

Adjuvant Chemotherapy & The Clinical Trial

2011-11-13T18:03:00.000-07:00

We met with Laura's oncologist (Dr. K) for her first post-op appointment. It was good to get more information on the clinical trial she is recommending. Laura has a meeting scheduled next week to talk with the clinical trial doctor and find out more specific about the treatment, but here is what we learned.

Dr. K is recommending that Laura participate in a nation-wide clinical trial studying the effects of a new combination of PARP inhibitors, which prevent DNA repair, along with a drug called Cisplatin (a.k.a. Platinum). Statistics show that not having adjuvant chemotherapy, treatment of cancer post surgery, statistically have worse cure rates than patients who have adjuvant therapy.

There is a possibility that microscopic remnants of the cancer may still be in Laura's body since she did not have a complete response to her neo-adjuvant chemotherapy. In the adjuvant setting there is no way to know the effectiveness of a treatment except by looking at studies, which produce statistics and make an interpretation to generalize a cure rate from any therapies that have been administered. This is because there is nothing that can be measured any longer since the primary tumor has been removed. You are either cancer free or the cancer comes back. If it comes back it has generally metastasized (spread to another organ), which is not good at all, and treatment for metastatic cancer is a whole other ball of wax.

The clinical trial involves two control groups. One where patients receive platinum and the other is the newer combination of Platinum plus a PARP inhibitor. Platinum on its own has been shown to be clinically effective on patients with triple negative breast cancer who did not have a response to traditional drugs used to combat the disease. Although PARP inhibitors have shown promise, the combined effects of the two drugs are not known, and we won't know until after the study is completed and results are published, possibly years from now, what the statistical significance will be.

The effects of Platinum would be much like the AC chemotherapy Laura had earlier this year, only stronger. Here are the primary effects and differences of Platinum as described by Dr. K compared to Adriamycin/Cytoxan, the drugs Laura previously received:

Nausea
Fatigue
Kidney risk - a known issue which can be mitigated with proper IV hydration during administration
Neuropathy - a tingling sensation felt in the limbs
Ear ringing
Loss of hair
Vision problems
Dietary constraints
Bowel issues

Just your typical chemo effects...

We will find out more about the trial next week but we know the clinical trial doctors will set the stage for when Laura will do her radiation "time" and how the treatments will be delivered. Laura will still be under Dr. K's care throughout the clinical trial and beyond. The clinical trial doctors may be harder to reach and it is comforting to know that Dr. K is only a phone call away for any questions that come up.

Dr. K had an anecdotal story that was reassuring about the way she operates. There was a study some a years ago with Herceptin, which has now been shown to be a very effective drug for hormone positive cancer. There were 3 control groups for this study, two of which used Herceptin with a combination of some other drug and one group which did not receive Herceptin. A few years into this study it became clear that Herceptin was increasing the cure rate for hormone positive breast cancer. Dr K said she would never put any of her patients in the first study once these facts came to light, knowing that they would have a 1/3 chance of not getting a drug which shows evidence of helping her patients. I'm glad Dr. K thinks like this and we trust her experience and guidance.

Laura is tired from this long journey that will likely become a bit longer. Even after all of the immediate treatments to overcome her cancer and preventative measures taken by modern medicine Laura will continue to live with the shadow of triple negative cancer for the next decade wondering if she is cured or if the cancer will resurface. Laura remains strong and ready to take this next step and knows we are all behind her.

Last Two Drains: You're Out!

2011-11-12T17:08:00.000-07:00

On November 7, it was time to visit the plastic surgeon's office again. This is pretty basic - so here's a [mostly] photo narrative of what happened.

FYI: Each breast area drain tube is an actual tube until about 1-2" inside the body. Then it's a tube that's split lengthwise: one half goes around the top of my expander to the middle of my chest, the other half is cupping beneath the expander, then up towards the middle of my chest. Both of those are about 9-10" long. And yes, detailing this makes me feel tough. :)

1. Left breast area drain tube - out.

2. Left breast area drain tube - out.

3. Look at all that came out! (No questions about the scissors allowed, smartypants.)

4. Bye-bye, fanny pack!! Even Jill knows this is a great thing! Yee-haw! My waist is now unencumbered.

5. Here is what a tissue expander looks like. They are made of heavy, thick, textured plastic. Two were implanted under my skin during my surgery (the first step in reconstruction).

photo courtesy of:
http://organizeinstyle.typepad.com/biggirlpanties/2010/11/expanders.html

6. The tool held over my breast tissue is much like a stud finder...it magnetically finds an area on the expander. This area is a port (much like my chemo port) through which a needle is inserted and saline is added to gradually fill the expander.

Check out Jill's bling!
She wanted it in the picture. :)

7. Jill used the stud finder to find the correct place for the needle for the saline injections. "X" marked the spot!

8. Time to inject the saline. BIG syringe, small tube, and small needle for the injection. This was not painful for those of you that might grimace at the photo. For the most part, my breast tissue is numb/has a slight tingly feeling. That is normal and it may stay like that for the rest of my life. I felt pressure and a prick, but nothing to give me the heebie-jeebies. My first fill was 120cc on each side.

The first fill went well. That evening I definitely felt more pressure in my chest and was sore. So bumped up the pain killer pills that I'd been cutting in 1/2. So proud, though, of my growing "little lady lumps"...now at a whopping 270cc!

Globbies!

2011-11-11T22:13:00.000-07:00

Some drainage and the globs.

There's a thing that happens while caring for drains: they need to be stripped regularly. (FYI: drain stripping = holding the tube with one hand and sliding your other hand down the tube to clear it out.) Even so, things can build up inside the tubes. And when that buildup gets stripped down to the grenades, it just kind of hangs around. I called them globs or globbies.

Weird little clumps, aren't they? These were stuck in my grenades for days...maybe even a week. Then one night, when Joshua was emptying the drains, one of the glob ends came out a bit. So Joshua pulled and pulled and pulled - and the whole thing came out! Same with the other side's grenade that same evening.

It ALL came out that night.

Not appetizing, but fascinating stuff to look at and wonder about. I was so happy to have those out of the grenades - now my grenades were globbie-free!

Looks tempting, doesn't it?
No, not really. It's just for the toilet.

A Treat for Halloween 2011

2011-11-10T12:27:00.000-07:00

On Halloween (oh, the irony!), I went in for my first post-op with the plastic surgeon. Joshua, mom, and Sandy also came. It was a rough ride there; the nausea set in quickly and I focused on breathing deeply and getting fresh air. Ick - really dislike that feeling. We will be visiting the plastic surgeon's office weekly for at least 6-8 weeks for follow-ups and fills. On this particular day, I learned that I'd get both of my pain med intake tubes out and my lymph drain tube out. Yay!

The PA (Jill, a wonderful gal with an evilish laugh that I both love and fear) had me breath in and out slowly and deeply to help me focus on something other than the long tubes getting taken out of my body.

First up: the pain med intake tubes:

Not a biggie. They were small in diameter.
Pretty long, though (~9in, methinks).

Then the lymph drain tube came out. The other one you see here was left in to drain the right breast area:


Bigger tube = a bit more uncomfort when coming out. The lymph tube pulled out was ~7-8in long.

Here's all the stuff that came off or out of me that first visit:

Caveat for the literals reading this: not the tweezers, scissors, or gauze!

There was much to rejoice about after this first pre-op: my healing post-surgery was on track, I had three less tubes in me, and we all dressed up a little for the holiday. Also, the nausea from the car ride up there had worn off. So we all decided to go celebrate!

At WaterCourse - a vegetarian restaurant.

The Drain Game

2011-11-09T17:30:00.000-07:00

Ugh. Drains. They're not fun. Still, they aren't half as bad as some women would have you believe. They get in the way and are cumbersome when pulling pants on/off and when bathing (waist-down only allowed at this point).

Technically, I had three drains. One for my left breast area, one for my right breast area, and one for my right lymph area. I also had two intake tubes for a local anesthetic - one to the right and one to the left breast area. Here's what it all looked like:

Yes, that is a fanny pack.
Yes, I'm exposing parts of my body I'd like to keep hidden,
but this is for informational purposes, so what the heck.

I am not a fan of fanny packs in any way (even though my friend Chana claims they're handy) - except for this surgery! We hung the three drain grenades from the fanny pack with safety pins, which made getting up/down and moving around much easier. Another trick: you can also stick grenades into the inner pockets of jackets if you want to conceal them well when going out.

The picture below shows one of the drains at the insertion site - below and slightly "behind" the breast area. The drain is kept in place by a few sutures, the round sticky pad you see in the picture, and clear tape around the whole area. The point is to NOT have the drain move AT ALL. I'm fortunate: mine behaved well.

If you're thinking drains are nice and automagic - think again! While they do work via suction to get all the blood, healing juices, flesh bits (yes - more on that later), and other goo out, they do need help. Joshua and mom did a great job stripping the drains. I preferred to sit back and enjoy the view while they did the work.

Several times a day, the grenades needed to be emptied and contents measured accurately. Once each drain produced </= 30cc of fluid a day, it was given a green light to come on out.

The grenade fluid lineup. Sexy, ain't it?

The Mystery Snowblower

2011-11-08T09:37:00.000-07:00

Me snowblowing last year.
Won't be doing any of that this year!

The other day, Joshua left for an early appointment. It was snowing when he left. Mom soon came over to help me bathe and get dressed - it was still snowing then. Getting me "ready" in the morning is quite a lengthy process so we close the bathroom door and turn on the space heater to help us be more comfortable.

Thanks to an unidentified neighbor, when mom and I left for an appointment a while later, the ENTIRE driveway, sidewalks, and patio had been cleared! We're talking at least 6-8" of snow removal! I'm still not sure who did it, but thank you so much for the help.

Step Into the Time Machine

2011-11-06T19:34:00.004-07:00

Can't seem to help myself. I've been itching to say hello on the blog again. Hi all! I'm recovering well (as far as I'm aware) from surgery and am headed into week 2 post-surgery soon. Feels good to have THAT behind me. For now, I'm going to rely on pictures to get ideas and experiences across. If I say something that doesn't make sense or omit information that you're curious about, please ask.

*A slight hint that some might find these and future pictures to be gross. But hey, I'm not showing you the grossest stuff - just the reality of what I'm going through. I'm finding a lot of this medical stuff interesting and want to share my experience and knowledge with others.

Joshua came to my bedside first - boy, was I glad to see him!

The two nights at the hospital were...challenging. General anesthesia is difficult for me to recover from. And while morphine helped with the pain I was feeling immediately after surgery, it presented more problems than help: I couldn't keep any food or liquid down. And though I tried with all my might on day 2 in the hospital to use the commode next to my bed, it just wasn't going to happen. (And that little bit of movement away from bed got me sick again, too.) So that evening, after an ultrasound confirmed how full my bladder was, I had the wonderful experience of being catheterized for the first time. Not bad, really. And a relief to know that something was headed in the right direction - out!

At the end of day 2 at the hospital, I went on a little walk down the hallway. My legs were shaky and I didn't quite like the feeling of moving, but it was mandatory to do that before being discharged, so I wanted to make that happen. Joshua, dad, and Miyako were there to see that happen. The picture below shows what I had to walk around with - lots of attachments. These were in/on me when I woke up from surgery and they came home with me, too.

I had three drain "grenades" and a big On-Q local pain med ball.
The nurses emptied the grenades every few hours, as they filled up quickly!

On day 3, I was discharged since I could walk, go to the bathroom, and keep food down. Happy day! I was wheeled out to the car and got to behold awesome sights all the way home since it had snowed ~6in the day before. Our power was out and wasn't going to be back on for another day or more so we stayed at mom's house for a night.

One of the daily tasks I am privileged to do is breathe slowly and deeply in and out of this "Airlife" thing to get my lung capacity back to normal.

My lung capacity has increased since I first did this in the hospital.
Small steps, but it's a positive!

Pathology Report

2011-11-01T23:23:00.000-06:00

Here is the information we received post surgery in the pathology report.

the main tumor and its sattelite friends/offshoots in the breast tissue were removed with clear margins

16 level one lymph nodes were taken from the right side

active cancer cells were found in the breast tissue and one lymph node
Laura's chemotherapy regimen reduced >90% of the large tumor mass

Keeping things light.
(t-shirt from http://freakyts.com)

We were hoping for what is called a "complete response". This is where all the cancer cells would have been shown to be inactive. An incomplete response is less desirable based on cure rate statistics.

We are beginning to look into clinical trials based on recommendations from Laura's oncologist. This will likely involve another round of chemo. We anticipate meeting with a representative from a clinical trial here to find out more information and to weigh the risks and benefits.

Radiation is still on the horizon.

Presently, Laura is focused on rest and healing - doctor's orders! Her spirits are positive and the recovery from surgery is on track and going well. She has a good appetite and has progressed to taking short trips out of the house when her energy is up, although she is completely exhausted afterwards.

More on what we learn about future treatment plans soon.

Fascinating Fuzz

2011-10-30T15:26:00.000-06:00

My head hair regrowth is beginning! It's like a light halo around my head. Not enough to insulate well at all, but enough to notice and want to shout out to the world: look at me - my hair is growing!

See the fuzz? Forget the dark hairs you see.
That's some of my old hair that's being stubborn.
It falls out as the new growth pushes it out.
It also comes out when I pull it out, rub my head, or 3M roller my scalp.

An extremely close view of my scalp and the wild, wirey fuzz.
Proud to own my fuzz.

Home Sweet Home

2011-10-28T17:58:00.004-06:00

Just had to let you all know that we are rejoicing because Laura got to come home yesterday. She began eating again and was able to drop the morphine and move on to oral painkillers. We packed her up and scooted her (gently) into the car on a day that was cold to say the least. Because of the winter storm, they had no power, so we all "nested" at my house, and Laura amazed us with her energy level throughout the rest of the day. Fortunately, power was returned and Joshua and Laura were able to return to their own home today -- ready to continue the healing and recovery process. Please continue your thoughts and prayers as Laura heals and becomes stronger in Phase 2 of her journey.

Slowly but Surely

2011-10-26T14:49:00.008-06:00

A quick update on Laura's progress: Joshua spent the night with Laura in the hospital and reported that they had a sleepless night mostly because of Laura's nausea, so this factor has slowed her recovery. Through great effort she finally kept down a small bit of food and some of her bodily functions are returning -yea! Her pretty blue eyes are much more alert and she is sharing her sweet nature with the hospital staff.
When both surgeons visited Laura today, they were confident that the procedures were successful and that a positive pathology report is expected (by Thursday or Friday). We continue to pray that the report will confirm that there are NO live cancer cells !
The winter storm that rolled into Denver last night ended up much less severe than was forecast, so we have been able to get to the hospital easily. However, Laura & Joshua lost electricity late this afternoon so it is probably a good thing that Laura isn't quite ready to go home. But she has eaten again, and is off the morphine, so things are looking up ! Tomorrow Laura will probably get to go home !

Update from the hospital!

2011-10-25T15:47:00.001-06:00

We just received wonderful news that Laura is now in recovery. Both the general and plastic surgeon's said everything went well. She will be in recovery for a couple of hours before we can see her. The expanders are in place and Laura was given 150 cc's of saline to get the stretching started. We are anxiously awaiting to see her early this evening amd hoping that the anesthethia does not cause too much nausea. Big sighs of relief and thank you to all of you who have been praying for us today.

Letting Go

2011-10-25T08:50:00.000-06:00

The magical time has arrived. We're soon heading to the hospital. Joshua and/or my parents will be posting blog updates on how I'm doing post-surgery. Any comments you leave will get to me. I'll hop back online when I feel up to it.

Much like the sparklers in this picture,
my breasts will soon be things of the past.

Next time you see me, it'll be version 1.2 of Laura; one step on the way of becoming v2.0. Also, Phase 2 of Operation Kick the Crap out of Cancer will be over! (At least that's how I'm thinking of it.)

This transition is a tough one to wrap my head around; I imagine I'll be working through these feelings for some time to come. My breasts have mainly, until recently, been just another appendage on my body. Since June, I've had time to think about them, notice them, recognize changes in them, celebrate them, and say goodbye to them. I would love to keep them...if they weren't trying to kill me. Bad boobies! <sigh> It's come down to having to let them go.

I am ready for today. I am confident in my general surgeon's abilities. I am confident in my plastic surgeon's abilities. I know the anesthesiologist is well-versed in administering drugs to patients like me. I know there are many prayers being said for this surgery. I have the strength. Everything will work out as it should.

The Bye-bye Boobies Gathering

2011-10-24T16:42:00.000-06:00

Yes, I really had a get-together to celebrate and say goodbye to my boobies. It was small, fairly low-key, and a positive experience. Here's a recap of that special night:

The color theme was black and pink. Everyone obliged - fantastically, in fact!

Chana, Sarah, me, and Denise.

Me & mom.

Even the socks were rockin' the night's colors.

We enjoyed great wine, good food, and fantastic conversations. (No recap of conversations, for fear of getting us all in trouble.)

Unbeknownst to me, there was a *big* surprise awaiting... A Caucasian boobie bust piñata. What a fantastic idea! We had fun with it and played around with it a bit (oh c'mon - you know what I mean).

Then it was time to take out our aggression towards breast cancer by doing some damage to the piñata. Denise was ready for the action - baseball bat and all.

Under the cloak of night, we strung up the piñata and sounded an air horn a few times. Then we went to town on those boobies. They didn't last long.

There were lots of goodies inside that flew everywhere! Pink and black socks, positive message erasers, a boobie basketball game, pink bead necklaces, silly string, dazzling rings and bracelets, and some unmentionables.

The morning after - the piñata aftermath.

They've got to go.

Thank you, ladies, for such a fun evening. I enjoyed the food, piñata festivities, and conversations...but most of all, your friendship and support.

Hanging On

2011-10-23T16:00:00.000-06:00

Although my leg hair is (slowly) growing again, I've been losing more hair elsewhere. And I've been told to expect to lose every last remaining one one in the coming weeks. But I'm okay with that. Really. There are worse things than no hair! :)

So here are some close-up pictures of what my eyebrows and eyelashes look like this week. Click on the pictures if you'd like to see them enlarged.

I've got four eyelashes hanging on to the bottom.
But who's counting?

Thank goodness for eyebrow pencils.
And thank goodness for the ones hanging on -
they give me a template to work with.

The other eyebrow/eyelashes.

Gettin' pretty bare.
Some people wanna stare.
'Cause I don't have much hair.
And it's not because of Nair.
But I don't care.
In my future, it'll all be there.

Top 10: Why Chemotherapy is Great

2011-10-21T13:45:00.000-06:00

Now that chemo is over, it's time to put together a "Top Ten" list! I hope to make one for each "phase" of this journey, because there really are some laughable if not just downright positive things to this experience.

Mandatory downtime during treatments (for me, this was a good thing).
Lose some weight. (I realize this depends on your particular regimen. During mine, I lost a few pounds. I attribute part of it to chemo and part to a strict alkaline diet.)
A free pass to do all those "nice" things you've wanted to do before but didn't allow yourself to: acupuncture, massage, wearing crazy wigs, etc.
Save money: no hair products or accessories.
No time spent shaving!!! Armpits, swimsuit line, and legs. No time spent plucking "grandma" hairs, lip hairs, etc.
Head rubs. :)
Go see [cancer] movie premieres and you get seated before everyone else.
How many other people get a rad, bionic port, eh?
The ever-nagging question about "what does my head look like under all that hair" is finally answered!
People come out of the woodwork to tell you and show you they care for you.

Opportunity for Locals (who have never had cancer)

2011-10-19T13:36:00.004-06:00

Please contribute to this study if you're able.

-Laura.

_____________________________________

CANCER PREVENTION STUDY-3 (CPS-3):

Volunteer today for a cancer-free tomorrow

The American Cancer Society is working on one of its biggest research projects ever – a ground-breaking study that will have an enormous impact on our ability to prevent cancer and create more birthdays – and we need your help.

We are inviting men and women between the ages of 30 and 65 years who have never had cancer to join the American Cancer Society's Cancer Prevention Study-3 (or CPS-3). The ultimate goal of this historic research study is to enroll at least 300,000 adults from various racial/ethnic backgrounds from across the United States. CPS-3 will help us better understand what causes cancer and how to prevent it, so we can save lives and create a world with less cancer and more birthdays.

Participation is easy!

Prior to your appointment you will receive instructions on how to complete your first, most comprehensive survey online. This survey will take approximately 45 minutes to complete.

Your in-person enrollment will take approximately 20-30 minutes and will involve:

Completing a second, brief survey

Signing a consent form

Providing a waist circumference measurement

Providing a small blood sample (similar to a doctor's visit)

Enrollment opportunities are available from November 8-19, 2011 at the following 7 Quest Diagnostics locations in metro Denver with appointments at various times:

695 S. Broadway, Denver, CO 80209

1411 S. Potomac St. #290, Aurora, CO 80012

6179 S. Balsam Way #240, Littleton, CO 80123

7700 W Virginia Ave. Unit C, Lakewood, CO 80226

3250 E 104th Ave., Thornton, CO 80233

8671 S. Quebec St. #240, Littleton, CO 80130

3555 Lutheran Parkway #130, Wheat Ridge, CO 80033

Following enrollment, you will receive mailed surveys at home every few years to update your information. You will also receive annual study newsletters to update you on research results.

Whether or not you are able to enroll or whether you have previously enrolled at a local Relay For Life event, please forward this blog post/URL to friends, coworkers, and family members in your community and encourage them to fight back against cancer by enrolling in CPS-3.

This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to be a part of the research that may change the course of cancer forever. Together, we have the power to save countless lives and create a world with less cancer and more birthdays!

For more information about CPS-3, please visit www.cancer.org/cps3, email cps3@cancer.org or call toll-free 1-888-604-5888.

TO SCHEDULE YOUR APPOINTMENT, GO TO:
http://www.cps3denver.com.

Alpa Patel, PhD, Principal Investigator, CPS-3, American Cancer Society, Atlanta, GA

Karen Hill, Mountain Region Vice President, American Cancer Society, Denver, CO

Acupuncture

2011-10-18T17:56:00.000-06:00

The center's entryway floor.

Acupuncture is interesting to me. And I believe it's been beneficial to me as a complement to my Western medicine treatments. It hasn't hurt me in any way, that's for sure. Paul is my acupuncturist and I hope to remember to get a picture of him sometime in the future. Chemo brain has made getting a picture of him all the more elusive. For now, here are a few pictures I took during a visit in August to show folks what I've experienced.

My appointments begin with a check-in of sorts. I talk to Paul about troublesome symptoms I'm experiencing and he checks my pulse and my tongue. (The main symptoms I found troublesome during chemotherapy were nausea, tinnitus (ears ringing), headache, bone paint, joint pain, and fatigue.) Then I hopped up on the table and got stuck! Once all the needles/pins/clips are in, Paul dims the lights and leaves the room. My job was to breathe in and out, relax, and try not to let too many stray thoughts come charging into my brain for the next 45 minutes. Easier said than done!


A needle in my forehead. I think this is the brain on/off switch location. It's nice when it's off!

Contrary to most of the needles folks are familiar with, acupuncture needles are not hollow. I played with one before I got stuck for the first time, just to see what I was getting into. They are so thin that they are flexible. Having acupuncture needles inserted does not hurt; I've only had two needles placements that made me feel a twinge as they went in. A few minutes later, everything feels normal or better than normal.


Two needles in my foot.

I'm comfortable while on the table. A bolster is placed under my knees, rolled-up towels are placed under my wrists (which usually have needles in them, too), and a heat lamp can be used, too.

An infrared heat lamp.
Usually aimed at my cold feet.

Time for an Early Weekend!

2011-10-13T12:22:00.000-06:00

Talk about fashion!
While it doesn't do much for the figure,
it's got an easy access front that the doctor loves.

We're headed out today for a mini vacation in the mountains. I am not taking my computer - it's time to unplug and enjoy nature, the chill in the air, each other, and time away from the daily grind at home. We're both excited and hope to enjoy some hikes. I feel like I'll be able to put in some decent mileage on the trails...so long as it's not too steep. That's still difficult for me to handle post-chemo.

Had a pre-op yesterday with the general surgeon. Nothing mind blowing was gleaned from the appointment. I'll have some bloodwork done next week to make sure everything is still thumbs up for surgery on the 25th. We did some recon at the hospital where I'll have my surgery. I was shown where I'll check in, the waiting rooms, the intake rooms, the surgery corridor, the recovery area, and a room among the post-op rooms where I'll spend the night. It felt good to see and become familiar with those surroundings prior to the morning of my surgery.

Pictures from the Bye-Bye Boobies Bash may or may not appear on the blog. Depends on how ruckus and inappropriate we are. :)

Next week will be a bit more full of appointments than this past one. (Part of me is happy for the diversion.) One appointment is a pre-op with the plastic surgeon; we do have considerably more questions for him. If we learn anything new from that appointment, we'll post it here.

So...I hope everyone else gets to get out and enjoy their weekend.

Below are some shots taken on a recent day road trip. We went west to Fairplay, then north to Breckenridge and back home. It was blissful to take in some gorgeous sights of turning aspens and incredible vistas.

Reiki

2011-10-10T09:52:00.000-06:00

What is Reiki? Reiki is energy therapy used for stress reduction and relaxation.

Early in my chemotherapy treatment process, I heard about LifeSpark. LifeSpark is a non-profit organization in the Denver area that provides weekly healing touch massage or Reiki sessions to cancer patients. They use a sliding scale to determine your weekly payments and the providers are all volunteers. When I signed up, I was told the waiting time was 2-3 months, and that was no exaggeration.

My Reiki practitioner, Jane.
I'm thankful for her volunteering her time and energy
to be part of the LifeSpark program.

In August, I met Jane for my first Reiki session. I thought it was like massage, except the practitioner didn't touch you - the "I'm close to you but not touching you" sort-of thing. Why I didn't look it up beforehand to have a better handle on what I was getting into, I'm not sure. (Maybe just overwhelmed with soaking up all sorts of other information about breast cancer.)

For each treatment, Jane places her hands on me in various locations. We begin with me laying face down on a massage table and her placing her hands on my head. Each position is kept for about a minute. [This is approximate! I've never sat there and counted because I'm supposed to be relaxing.] When she's finished with head-to-toe energy therapy on that side, I flip over onto my back. Similar positions are repeated on my front side.

I've fallen asleep a couple of times and jerked myself awake once, nearly avoiding kicking her. That made us both giggle, but we recovered quickly and soon went back to being quiet and meditative.

For those of you that are curious:

The word Reiki is made of two Japanese words - Rei which means "God's Wisdom or the Higher Power" and Ki which is "life force energy". So Reiki is actually "spiritually guided life force energy."
from: http://www.reiki.org/faq/whatisreiki.html

I've enjoyed my Reiki sessions. After my appointments - some of which were on "bad news days" - I've felt a sense of calm, peace, and well-being. Do I have any hard-core empirical evidence of these sessions showing a clear health benefit to me? Not really. But I feel better after the appointments, so I consider that a good thing. If nothing else, it's time for me to lay down, focus on my breath, and receive good energy from another human being.

A Helpful Reminder

2011-10-07T15:57:00.001-06:00

A pre-weekend post for you all. Today I enjoyed a swim (short, but good) at a local rec center. I'm feeling better each day and find it nice to not have to do a countdown to next Tuesday (usual chemo date) - something I've been doing for several months! Yay for things like that during this experience.

I enjoy seeing this poster each day as I pass through the kitchen and entryway. It's a good reminder.

"Please be responsible for the energy you bring into this home."
~ Jill Bolte Taylor

The message resonates within me.
Sarah, her daughter, and her son made this canvas art.
(Along with a few others, I hear.) Thanks, guys!

Q #5: What is required to get ready for the surgery? How much time?

2011-10-05T09:02:00.000-06:00

A:
A 3-4 week period is required to "prepare" for surgery. This allows my body some time to get important blood counts (WBC, RBC, platelets, etc.) to normalize. I'll also feel stronger, having (in my case) 4 weeks to recover from my 8 chemo treatments.

I've learned from other gals who have been through this already that I'll start noticing changes such as hair growing (although it'll be like baby hair/wispies at first), more earwax developing (?!), and my skin will begin feeling more normal (chemo has made my skin thin and smooth). I also look forward to my fatigue factor diminishing!

While chemo is now over, the next few weeks include a good number of appointments/things to do before surgery:

Continue following the alkaline diet
Go to reiki, light touch massage, and acupuncture sessions
Attend pre-op with general surgeon
Attend pre-op with plastic surgeon
Submit my body/fluids for bloodwork and other pre-op tests (probably including an EKG)
Celebrate my ta-tas (and mourn their loss, too) by having a bye-bye boobies night
Receive a final Zoladex shot (to suppresses ovarian oestrogen production)
Get my teeth cleaned - YAY! I am really looking forward to getting my teeth spiffed up. (FYI: Chemo dry mouth isn't good for pearly whites. I've done what I can to be nice to them and treat them well. But it's time for a cleaning as soon as I get cleared for doing so. Surgery + meds will also dish out a harsh atmosphere for my teeth. Before all this, I thought teeth bleaching was a bit strange. Now I'm considering doing it at some point.)

You're right: this picture has nothing to do
with this blog post! However, I saw it on the way
in to one of my ta-ta appointments
and HAD to stop, take a picture, and marvel
at the toughness this truck exuded
solely based on the spikes.

Besides all the scientific "fun stuff" above, I hope to spend time prior to surgery enjoying the freedom of doing things myself - for that will soon change (for a while) post-surgery. I am looking forward to another getaway with Joshua, to help connect us more deeply and calm us down before surgery. I'm also wanting to get some really good exercise in (swim, jog, walk, yoga); that helps me not only physically, but mentally. I'm less anxious when I get in a good workout. Also, my crafting space feels neglected. It's time to do some projects in there!

Anything above and beyond that is icing on the cake!

Final Neulasta Shot

2011-10-02T11:19:00.000-06:00

The day after my last treatment, I went back into the office for my final Neulasta shot - yay! This is the shot that, while it helps boost my WBC count, also gives way to joint pain (of which I'm not particularly a fan). Go, white blood cells, go!

I managed to get Pam to stay still for a minute to take a picture.
Pam is a busy woman, handling scheduling and a litany of phone calls every day.
She's a wealth of information and knows her stuff.

Seeing Ellen that day was great; my chemo journey had come full circle: my first treatment was administered by Ellen, and she was there on my last day of treatment, too. How cool!


The legendary Ellen (a.k.a. "Small but Mighty" and "Mighty Mouse"). She may look little, but she's got a big personality! :) I liked giving her a good squeeze.

Pseudo-cheerleading with spirit fingers.
We're cheesy and we love it.

Last Chemo Treatment in 16 Pictures

2011-09-28T17:56:00.000-06:00

Sixteen pictures; each to signify a week I will have spent going through chemotherapy. My last treatment was yesterday. I made it! Yay! I wish I could high five you all in person.

We arrived at my final chemo infusion.
Yep, I wore an awesome head topper on my last day.
Pretty rad t-shirt, too. Read it in another picture. :)

Why the funny face?
Because Michelle is mixing my meds back there.

Mixing the meds is hot, sweaty business.

I didn't know my face could look like this.
And also: someone believed this was my real hair today! Pretty funny.

Pointing to Abraxane on my chemo cart. Thanks, Michelle! :)

The final chemo posse in full effect.

Ohmygosh. Is that cake? And icing?? We brought in a cake for all...we had some, too.
(Yes, this is called cheating on my alkaline diet.
But hey, it's life. I chose to enjoy a piece of cake.)

Mom and I flashing our chemo gang signs. Ha!

Dr. K wearing her newly-acquired gold chain with her initial on it (also in gold).
It's kinda a joke between us.
me: "I have breast cancer. Will you be my chemo homegirl?"
Dr. K: "What's that?"

I do believe I saw a full-on smile on Dr. K's face yesterday.
She is a good choice for me: answers my questions,
gives me abundant relevant information,
and doesn't want to mess around with cancer.

Tuesday's chemo nurses: Michelle on left, Linda on right.
They are fun, lively, and enjoy good conversations and laughs.
Ellen is another chemo nurse and wasn't there yesterday, but she was there today when I got my last Neulasta shot. She'll be in the next blog post.

After chemo, we went to WaterCourse Foods, a vegetarian restaurant in Downtown Denver.
The lights caught my attention for quite a while.

Check it out (courtesy of the WaterCourse Foods web site): WaterCourse Foods is proud to serve a 100% vegetarian menu. Our style of comfort food has won over the hearts and stomachs of people from all types of dietary backgrounds. The greatest compliment we hear (and we hear it often) is when a initially reluctant patron, who was dragged in by their spouse or kids, says they never thought they would eat vegetarian food and now WaterCourse is their favorite restaurant.

Joshua was happy to receive tasty vegetarian treats.

Here it is! I got a polenta-crusted portabello with avocado, brown rice, refried beans, chipotle aoli, carrots, lettuce, pico de gallo, and black beans.

Joshua got a meatless meatball sandwich, grilled sweet potato, and grilled seasonal veggies.

Mom got a wheat tortilla wrap with cilantro pistachio pesto, grilled sweet potatoes, mushrooms, onions, and smoked mozzarella.

That's what the day was like. I drank a bit of sparkling cider and toasted to you all, to the medical team I've come to know and rely on, to what I believe is out there that's bigger than us, and to LIVING life!

Phase 1 of Operation Kick the Crap out of Cancer?
(Thanks Grey/Amber - great name! :) )
OVER!!!

50/50: An above average comedy/drama.

2011-09-27T17:23:00.000-06:00

Don't worry, no spoilers.

Laura was given movie tickets from the Livestrong foundation for us to check out a "sneak preview" of the film 50/50. We had a great time that evening in downtown Denver and I wanted to share my review.

This movie shows us what happens when Adam the young male protagonist played by Joseph Gordon-Levitt is diagnosed with a rare form of cancer and discovers he has a 50/50 chance at survival.

Although hilarious, touching and light-heartedness occurred throughout, the film left a lot to be desired. There was such rich potential, given the magnitude of circumstances the characters were going through, that this should have been much more than another "touching, but funny, good movie". The performances by Seth Rogan who played Adam's best friend and Anjelica Huston who played Adam's Mother, Diane were quite funny. Coming out of theater we both enjoyed the film and thought back positively on the many funny and and occasional poignant scenes.

Gordon-Levitt did a good job portraying the sullenness of someone who is delivered such a heavy hand, but it would have been refreshing to see some real growth in his character. Instead we saw what he was going through and the effects of life altering news, but there was little focus on any inner dialogue that goes along with this trip. Perhaps it was Seth Rogan's unmistakable silly nature which complemented, but also detracted from the movie becoming anything more than a comedy in the cloak of a drama.

The ending was a let down. It made me wonder if there was some kind of time table for how quickly this movie had to end. It was too happy path and reeked like month old Parmesan. I find it common nowadays to see movies with so much vested in them, and great potential, which deliver mediocre plots, and blase endings.

There is a lot to be gained from hard times. Some of our best teachers are things that make us fearful, insecure or angry. While humor is a necessary and wonderful tool for dealing with pain and suffering, this movie shows Hollywood's infatuation of avoiding mindfulness and missing opportunities for displaying human growth in difficult times. Though don't mistake this for an indication of ticket sales...

Q #4: What makes you happy/forget your worries for a little while?

2011-09-26T11:20:00.001-06:00

A:
Thank goodness there are things that make me happy and help me forget my worries - even if only briefly. Here's some of what I've found brings me joy and peace, in no particular order:

Watching a movie
Helping others
Reading a book and emails from friends
Getting involved in a craft project
Receiving acupuncture, massage
Being outdoors with Joshua
Going to IKEA
Being busy - getting involved in something that takes over most of my brain
Listening to biolateral music, walking meditation
Living one day at a time

Thinking about the future and "what-if" scenarios is what gets my worries and fears activated. So as long as I focus on the now, I'm okay. I'm doing a lot of work in this particular area right now...this young grasshopper has much to learn in the ways of being present and not letting my amygdala run rampant! (The amygdala plays a major role in the processing and memory of emotional reactions.)

Q #3: Have you watched The Big C?

2011-09-22T07:21:00.000-06:00

Photo courtesy of:
http://www.sho.com/site/thebigc/home.sho

Yes I have! A friend in Oklahoma mentioned this show and we added it to the Netflix queue after I was diagnosed. Joshua and I began watching Season 1 about a month ago. My mom and aunt have also watched some episodes with us. I've enjoyed watching it - the irreverence, the humor, the candid way about it. It also touches on the serious ways in which cancer effects not only the one that's got it, but the support system that surrounds that person. Now it looks like we'll have to wait for Season 2 discs to get on Netflix...

Unlike the main character, I have not ignored my diagnosis, rescued any lobsters from restaurants, had a pool hole dug in my yard, or bought a shiny red sports car. Seems I'm much more practical than that. - Ha!

What do you (anyone that's seen it) think about the show?

Appointment Set for the Double M

2011-09-19T09:13:00.000-06:00

I've let the information percolate in my head over the weekend to get used to the idea. Now I'm ready to share with you all: the date for my Double M is set.

Funny, I felt both relief and anxiety once I heard the information. Relief that the cancer will be taken out of my body and more information will be known about my adversary. Anxiety about the new unknowns. As totally outta this world this may seem, I've "gotten used to" chemo. That's not to say I like it - I don't - but there has been a somewhat predictable ebb and flow of energy, physical limitations, and mental tricks chemo brings to the table each time. It was also scheduled at regular intervals (I have been fortunate to not have to delay any treatments thus far) and took up over 3 months; I've been on autopilot.

Soon it's time for the next step. A new unknown. What will surgery be like? How will I recover? What will the pathology report tell us? What will be next after surgery? (Here I go again thinking in the future...bad girl! This is something I'm working on, and obviously still have a ways to go. More on this in a future post.)

I'll cut to the chase and keep today's post short and sweet. My Double M is scheduled for October 25.

Friday Date Night

2011-09-16T07:51:00.000-06:00

A hot couple!

Last Friday, we went to see Les Misérables in Denver. It was a fun night! We bought the tickets way back in early March of this year. We weren't sure if I'd be up for going once the chemo schedule was laid out; however, we were fortunate in that the tickets were for a performance during my second week post-chemo (a good week, usually) - so we went for it!

It was grand. And I felt like a million bucks going out with Joshua. My wig and makeup "disguise" helped me easily blend into all the other folks there.

Interesting: I even got a comment on my cute haircut and my shiny, healthy hair when in line for the ladies' room. Ha! (And yes, I admitted that it wasn't my hair.)

Dressin' up and goin' out.

"If the rumor is tumor, then the issue is tissue, and the answer is cancer."

2011-09-13T22:50:00.000-06:00

When Laura began chemotherapy, it seemed like a there was a long road in front of her, full of unknowns. We've seen her tackle each and every hurdle like a warrior princess - scared at times, but ready to face the next hurdle. Last week we had two important appointments concerning the next steps after her last chemotherapy treatment on September 27.

In a pre-op appointment with the general surgeon, Laura was informed that the surgery would likely take place two, possibly three, weeks after the final September 27 chemo session. Now that the team has been chosen -- general surgeon and plastic surgeon -- it's a matter of scheduling and we should learn the date this week. It will likely be the middle of October. The surgical procedure will include a "modified mastectomy" on Laura's right breast, which will include the removal of her level one lymph nodes, approximately 12-15 nodes, according to the surgeon. Laura will receive a "simple mastectomy" on the left breast, which has no involvement of the lymph nodes. We are anticipating Laura spending one night, possibly more, at the hospital for this surgery. The final pathology report on the breast tissue will be completed two to three days post-surgery, and the results will influence the course of treatment following surgery, either radiation or participation in a clinical trial for triple negative BC patients such as Laura, followed by radiation. Physical therapy begins quickly, two weeks after surgery, to help Laura regain strength and to avoid lymphedema, a swelling in the arm area caused by fluid retention and resultant swelling of tissue.

Because her treatment includes radiation at some point following surgery, Laura also scheduled an initial consultation with a radiation oncologist last week. There we learned that assuming a complete response to the chemotherapy (i.e., no live cancer cells in the pathology report), Laura's radiation treatments will likely begin 6-8 weeks after surgery. Laura will receive 25 radiation treatments, each lasting about 15 minutes, stretching over 5 weeks. Because of the level of involvement in Laura's right breast, the treatments will be comprehensive, not pinpoint, so her entire chest wall, the lymph node area, and some of her neck area will receive a 5000 centigrade dosage each time. Possible side effects Laura may experience include fatigue, possible swelling of the chest wall and arm, and sunburn-like effects on her skin such as redness, soreness, itching and peeling. The doctor described the various steps we can take to help lessen these effects, such as using certain lotions and soaps and wearing loose cotton clothing, etc. Because it is so important to keep her skin supple in order to prevent the buildup of scar tissue, Laura will have to massage the area, essentially circling at least 100 times, on a daily basis.

After meeting with the physicians that will complement the work done by her oncologist, Laura is ready to finish her last two sessions of chemotherapy, let the potent drugs do their work, and then let the surgeon and radiation oncologist add their expertise. We all feel confident that the Laura has a superb team, that she is receiving the best of care, and that she is handling the entire experience with courage and grace.

We are praying, and would like those of you praying for Laura to include in your prayers:

God, we thank you for the progress made thus far in the treatment of Laura's cancer, and now we ask that you renew her immune system's memory to seek and destroy any remaining cancer cells.

Our Weekend Getaway

2011-09-12T07:30:00.000-06:00

We were refreshed from this trip!

In late August, on the best weekend between chemotherapy appointments, we had a weekend getaway together in Dillon, Colorado. The drive was long enough to make it seem like a road trip, but short enough to not be too cumbersome.

We enjoyed our time away from the everyday stuff at our own home. It was nice to get away and have time to talk, read, watch movies, hike, cook, and enjoy each other's company. It was food for my soul.

We managed to climb quite a bit in elevation
at the beginning of the Ptarmigan Trail.
Lake Dillon in distance - see the sailboats?

Each day, we went outside at least once for a walk/hike. There were trails right outside of the condo we stayed at, which was so nice and simple! Joshua took me on a "beginner's" hiking trail one day - Ptarmigan Trail - and it conquered me! We should have had a clue with these words describing the beginning of the trail: "ascends briskly." Yeah, it was definitely brisk! My legs and lungs couldn't normalize easily and we eventually decided to turn around and head back down while I still had the muscle power to do so. Still, it was fun to challenge myself physically and to see views of Lake Dillon and other mountain peaks nearby. The area we were in, Summit County, is gorgeous and makes me appreciate nature's beauty and the peace it offers.

A magnificent double rainbow - it was the brightest we'd ever seen.
We saw this on our first hike while it sprinkled on us.

Pathways, wildflowers, aspens, and mountains.
What more could a hiker want?

A path leading into an aspen grove.

On our last hike before returning home.

Does this really need a caption?

My Gramma was Here!

2011-09-10T13:48:00.000-06:00

Gramma's famous roast beef dinner.
Notice the meat-to-veggie ratio - we did it right!
(All natural, grass-fed beef, too. )

Gee, I'm behind on some news tidbits--oops! I have had good intentions of doing a photojournalistic blog post of "this is the last two weeks post-chemo in pictures," but uploading the pictures, organizing them, naming them, cropping them, exporting to email, saving to blog...it's all too much the day before treatment. That's when I'm running around like crazy to appointments and also trying to get as much done at home as possible. :)

My Gramma Birch came to town for a couple of weeks in mid-August. She stayed at my mom's place but I saw her frequently. Sometimes for a meal and a visit, sometimes for 5-10 minutes between appointments, sometimes as I ran into mom's house to grab'n'go, and a few times she came over to our house and hung out with me. I enjoy her calm presence. I also appreciate her being at ease with going with the flow of whatever, whenever!

The time-share shower stool!

One thing I noticed while Gramma was still here: the peripheral neuropathy effects of Taxol. In combination with the ear ringing and joint pain, the neuropathy sensations leave me feeling weak and unsure about my body in the whole time/space sense. Gramma witnessed what my first Taxol treatment's effects were like...which led to a discussion between us about making showering easier - for both of us! We came up with the idea of shopping for a shower stool that we could "time share" between us here in Colorado. She could use it when visiting mom and I could use it on my tingly/weak days. Right after the meal, we hopped on Amazon.com and found one that we both thought would work. It's lightweight, has handles, has stable rubber feet, and can bet set at various heights. Voila! Problem solved. So far, I'm loving the shower stool. It's a big help. And it strikes me as funny (and cool) that Gramma and I have more in common now, too!

After a taco feast at our house in Gramma's honor.

A Picture (or 6) is Worth a Thousand Words

2011-09-09T11:35:00.000-06:00

Sharing images of my breasts is not a decision I take lightly. I'm not sure what images, if any, I'll share in the future. However, given the good MRI results, and people wondering what metabolic activity looks like, I thought sharing these near* apples-to-apples images below might be of use and interest.

* I use the term near here, because I am by no means an MRI-reading expert, and I doubt these are exactly the same images with the same parameters, etc. I'm simply matching image numbers from both MRI dates from 1,400+ images taken during each MRI.

The metabolic activity is shown with brighter areas. They inject a contrast into me during the last long image collection time and it highlights the active cancer cells.

June 6, image 20

Aug 29, image 20

Clearly, a difference in metabolic activity from the two MRI dates. We already know this from the pros telling us, but it's nice to see myself and share with others. I have also (for quite some time now) noticed not only a visual difference in my breast, but also it feels different.

June 6, image 23

Aug 29, image 23

Visually, my breast had become a little lopsided on the right side due to the cancer's growth over time; I noticed it changing back to looking like a "normal" breast after my second chemotherapy treatment. Tactilely, the bump has become less prominent and seems not to be as close to the surface of my breast. I still feel a good sized lump when I press down and feel for it. The rest of my right breast also seems less dense than when I began chemotherapy.

June 6, image 28

Aug 29, image 28

Q #2: Do people in the every day world (grocery store, etc.) ask you about your hair loss?

2011-09-06T10:28:00.000-06:00

continued: What do you tell them?

A:
Out of all the people that notice (surely), only two people have said anything. Incredible! I truly expected to field more inquiries. Then again, people probably don't want to ask some stranger about an obvious medical issue. Here are those two experiences:

Hair Loss Sighting/Questioning #1: Joshua and I went swimming in mid-July at a local rec center. Not wanting to draw attention to myself, and also out of habit, I put my swimcap on before entering the pool. We swam, which felt fantastic, and then came the whole predicament about the locker room. Should I change out in the open like I usually do? No, I didn't want to do that because of my port (still was sensitive about it at the time). So I showered and change in an individual stall. Next up: putting on face/head moisturizer. By this time I was fully dressed and out of the shower stall. I had a bandana on my head already, but was getting itchy...I needed to moisturize! Only one other gal was in there with me, and she was changing in another part of the locker room. So I decided to go for it. I took off the bandana and began rubbing my noggin with moisturizer. She came out just as I was finishing and said "Wow - neat haircut. May I ask: why did you decide to cut it so short?" To which I answered, "Well, I really liked the buzz cut I had before this, but chemo decided to make it shorter."

From there, we had a nice conversation about what my diagnosis was, how treatment was going, and how I'm feeling about things. She had worked with sick children, which I believe gave her insight as to how to have a comfortable conversation with someone like me. She probed, but not too far. And we shared several laughs at the "being a cancer patient" experience. And then, as our conversation was winding up, she said she'd like to give me a hug if I was up for it. And I was. I mean, what can it hurt that someone you don't know wants to give you something to convey their hope for you? It was the longest "stranger hug" I've ever had. It lingered longer than family hugs usually last. And it felt 100% genuine and good. I loved it and was happy she saw it fit to stop and talk with me that day.

Hair Loss Sighting/Questioning #2: I was at a local bagel shop with Joshua, Adam, Jeney, and mom. I felt eyes on me the second we walked in and thought maybe I forgot to wear a head topper. But I checked, and my baseball cap was indeed in place. So I let the paranoia go. While we were waiting for our drinks, I felt (and saw?) someone in my peripheral vision ever so slowly getting closer...closer...closer. I couldn't stand it. I turned around and said "Can I help you?" And the woman standing there just said "Are you a survivor?" AWKWARD! She proceeded to ask me my diagnosis, tell me what hers was, and then started talking about spiritual stuff that was just too much to take in while waiting to get a drink at a bagel shop - with onlookers. I felt cornered. Oh yeah, and did I mention she was sitting at a table with 8-10 of her friends and they were watching? I wanted to melt into the floor.

I am sure this woman did not mean to make me feel weird or on the spot. I like to think that she thought she recognized an individual going through a bad experience like she had and she wanted to offer what she could in the way of positivity. Even so, it did not come across to me in that scenario like she probably wished it would have. I was glad it was over quickly.

Rockin' skull and crossbones head gear. Thanks, Chana!

Speaking of head toppers...I don't think I've posted many pictures of those yet. (Side note: it's been nice to rock my bald look this summer - it's more comfortable than covering up and I don't feel ashamed. After all, I can't help it!) So here is one to nibble on...and I'll try to remember to post some more in the future.

This Week's News

2011-09-02T11:34:00.000-06:00

Smart-looking Laura
(it's all about the glasses).
Pre-total hair loss.

Tuesday's chemo treatment provided much information - about the treatment I'm receiving and about my upcoming "alternatives." I'd like to share those with you.

There is a Taxol shortage - but have no fear!
No worries here. I am still receiving the same drug/same dosage - only in a different form (and therefore, under a different name: Abraxane). Guess the manufacturers/distributors of Taxol are in short supply; my oncologist's office is now being told that they "might" get more in at the end of 2011. There are two clear benefits to this:
1. The alternative - and more spendy - treatment I'm receiving takes 30 minutes to administer versus 4 hours. Bonus - I get to reclaim >12 hours of my life!
2. The alternative treatment may very likely not give me the drug rash I got the first time around. ~ Don't think I mentioned that before. It wasn't anything major, just a bumpy rash I could feel on my shoulders and upper chest/back - nothing you could see. I'm taking additional meds for now just in case I have a reaction to the new stuff, but might get off of those the next go-round if I don't experience any symptoms.

Pretty little pills.

We want to see a "complete response" by the time of surgery and/or the resulting pathology report.
Yeah...medical terms. What's meant here is that, while my cancer's response to chemo thus far is good, we want better. Complete response = no living cancer (only scar tissue/dead cancer cells exist). Ultimately, for me to be in a way better statistical group of survivors, this needs to occur. This is where alternatives come in:
1. If my cancer does have a complete response: I will have my surgery with probable reconstruction (expanders put in place) at the same time. I will be expanded at a rapid pace (ouch) so I can get the radiation I need 6 weeks after surgery. Once radiation is complete and we see what we have to work with boob-wise, I'll get implants or resort to Plan B: another surgery if the expanders/implants option isn't going to work.

2. If my cancer does not have a complete response: I will have my surgery with reconstruction (expanders put in place). Then I will go through 4 more chemo treatments, this time three weeks apart, as part of a clinical trial. This isn't something I want, but if it helps bump me into a better statistical group, I'm all for it. There is no negative to doing the trial; I will either come out better because of it or stay the same - that depends on which group I'm randomly assigned to. The good news (?) about this option is that my skin would not have to be on a super-expando schedule. I'm sure my skin and pain receptors would appreciate that part. However, I still would prefer option #1 above. After the clinical trial, it would be onto radiation, and reconstruction happening after that.

What's a girl to do when early for a chemo session?
Go to Ikea for 35 blissful minutes! That was fun!

Q #1: How did you originally get diagnosed?

2011-09-01T08:06:00.000-06:00

Question continued: Did you find a lump, was it part of a routine exam, etc?

A:
In late March, while recovering from a tonsillectomy, Joshua noticed a bump in my right breast. He brought it to my attention and I decided to keep an eye on it by checking it (visual + tactile) weekly. I had stopped taking birth control recently, I'm youngish, and I know my breasts go through cyclical changes. To me, I felt like alarm bells weren't necessary until I detected a change. I've also been told by every other doctor since that they would have said to "keep an eye on it for a month or two," given my scenario with stopping birth control and recent surgery.

There was no noticeable change until ~May 10. Between coming home from a trip to help my mom pack and driving back down to Oklahoma for my grandmother's funeral, I felt a significant change in size and hardness. I also began experiencing shooting pains in that area that were quite uncomfortable. On the road trip down, per Joshua's urging, I called and made an appointment for the morning after we returned.

The rest is now history.

It's Been Brought-en!

2011-08-29T19:35:00.000-06:00

Hey all~

Got a surprise late afternoon phone call from a woman who felt it necessary to call me. She had the radiologist's report in-hand (from my MRI this morning). In June, my main tumor (the "Big One") measured 4.0cm x 2.9cm x 2.5cm. She wanted to call to tell me some good news - the type of news she could tell I hadn't gotten much of along this journey thus far. I am so thankful she decided to call; she didn't have to today.

First of all: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH - yes, Yes, YES!!! The best news so far along this journey:

The Big One is now measuring in at: 2.4cm x 1.7cm x 1.5cm. A decent decrease is now evident in the metabolic activity of this crap inside of me. Hallelujah! All other areas of enhancement (in my breast and my effected lymph nodes) on the MRI also show similar decrease in size/activity.

I feel like my roller-coaster chemo ride is vindicated by this news. And it is awesome to have solid, non-biased evidence that I have dealt this cancer crap a swift round of jab-cross-hook-uppercut punches! After an exhilarating weekend recharging and reconnecting with Joshua, and now this dynamite news, I am ready not only for tomorrow's chemo session, but for the remaining two treatments afterwards. Bring it.

In case I forget or am feeling low, this mug reminds me:
I have the strength.

Just Putting it Out There

2011-08-29T08:26:00.000-06:00

This morning brings MRI appointment #2. This is the first MRI I've had done since beginning chemotherapy. I'm hoping for and thinking of great results...that the cancer is slowing/stopping metabolic activity. (Especially since the ultrasound did not show it shrinking at all.)

So...please put it out to the universe, your higher power, general thought process, or whatever that the results from this MRI will be in my favor. After all, I've been working hard to go with the flow of the effects of chemo to help eradicate this stuff - or at least give me a good head start in the fight! :)

We should know the results in 1-2 days. We'll be sure to share them here.

Revisiting Breast Reconstruction

2011-08-26T14:08:00.014-06:00

To be sure, Laura's number one priority is eliminating cancer from her body. So, she endures the long hours and side effects of chemotherapy and is preparing for the surgery that most likely will take place near the end of October. But, as with most challenges Laura has faced, she is doing so much more, most of which has already been described in this blog, including her strict diet of fresh vegetables and other foods that combat the acidity in her body in order to strengthen her immune system. She is also trying alternative therapies offered and recommended for cancer patients and it is wonderful to see the peaceful and relaxing effects of the acupuncture and Reiki sessions offered to BC patients.

Since this week afforded Laura an upswing in energy, she scheduled an appointment with another plastic surgeon yesterday. Earlier Joshua aptly described the August 11 appointment concerning advice about breast reconstruction, where it was recommended that Laura wait one year after her bilateral mastectomy before beginning reconstruction via a second surgery utilizing a latissimus dorsi flap procedure (using back muscles/tissue) or a TRAM flap procedure (using abdomen muscles/tissue).

It was a good thing we are now more familiar with the reconstruction options, because the second plastic surgeon talked very fast and we had to digest his information quickly! He was a "take charge" type of person (Laura liked that) and wanted to at least explore the first and more common option of inserting a tissue expander for implants at the time of Laura's first surgery - one he thought might be available if there was enough time following surgery before radiation and its effects on the skin. He immediately contacted Laura's oncologist, and based on the information he received, he called Laura to let her know that insertion of tissue expanders just might be an option. We were all happy to hear this bit of good news, as this option has an obvious emotional and psychological advantage. Of course Laura wants to fully consider the viewpoint and recommendations of her oncologist and general surgeon, since surgery and subsequent radiation is a vital part of Laura's treatment plan. So, we'll explore these options further during the next chemotherapy session on Tuesday.

All of this to say that Laura faces more decisions -- immediate reconstruction without knowing the effects of later radiation or delayed reconstruction with further surgery. Not an easy task. But she is up for it. She and Joshua are a fearsome team and they know how to handle one day, one issue at a time.

Inquiring minds want to know....what, exactly?

2011-08-25T09:33:00.000-06:00

Since many of the people following this blog are curious by nature, I thought I'd inquire:

What questions would you like to ask me/us?

Is there something you want to know about my treatment?
About what I'm experiencing?
About Joshua and what he's experiencing?
Do you have any questions for the other blog posters (Eddie, Anneliese, Joe, Linda, Adam, Joshua)?
About breast cancer in general?

I have no idea what to expect to see in this blog post's comments, but if you have a question, ask. I'll/we'll do my/our best to answer questions in future blog posts. (Except for any crazy questions - we reserve the right to refuse, you know.)

Maybe we're putting so much information out there that there are no lingering questions. Still, my curiosity made me pose this question to the Ta-ta Times' audience.

So Much In Love

2011-08-22T21:19:00.001-06:00

During our vows.

Last weekend marked a special day for our marriage: our 7 year anniversary.

No great pomp and circumstance like our wedding day, but we both agreed that the weekend was a "good weekend." Which is a wonderfully positive thing for us! In these often unpredictable times as of late, it's hard to obtain a sense of true balance when the weekend comes. Joshua would like to spend it knocking off some to-dos, but mostly enjoying ourselves together doing the things that make us feel good. I, on the other hand, am usually Taskmaster General. It's hard to let go of the myriad of to-dos that exist and build in my mind while I'm experiencing the chemo roller coaster lows. This weekend, without really even trying, it seemed to be a perfect combination of both.

We started the weekend by getting some to-dos done. That satiated me enough to move on to something more enjoyable. We talked together in the craft room - not a planned conversation, just one that happened (and sometimes that's the best kind). We also spent a few hours meeting with another BC survivor and her husband. They are where I'd like to click my heels and be right now - but can't. Spending some one-on-one time with them pumped us both up: we can do this! We gleaned so much from our time with them and feel as though a new relationship is budding. I'm so glad we reached out to another couple.

On Sunday, while Joshua hooked up some speakers downstairs, I hopped on the treadmill and did hill intervals for an hour. It was low speed, but my heart was pumping and it felt great to not only be able to exercise, but to WORK my heart and lungs. It had been too long. We were both happy that my peripheral nerve symptoms had lessened significantly so I could exercise. Then we went to a Farmer's Market to meet up with a friend and her kiddos. How fun to get out, enjoy some sunshine (with SPF 70, of course), visit with a friend, and get local produce for the week. The remainder of the weekend included computer time for Joshua and an extended napping period for me. It was a good weekend.

This coming weekend, we'll head into the mountains for a couple of nights to have a delayed celebration of our anniversary. I'll be physically capable of more then and know we'll both really enjoy the time away together. It feels so good to still have those same feelings I did 7 years ago when I look into Joshua's eyes...and it feels even better to know our relationship has grown stronger with each passing year.

I'm still so much in love with you.

"As we stroll along together

holding hands, walking all alone.

So in love are we two

that we don't know what to do

so in love (doo, so in love)

in a world of our own (doo, so in love)."

-from the 1963 hit So Much In Love by The Tymes

The Taxol Experience

2011-08-19T11:33:00.000-06:00

No, I'm not frozen waving "hello" to you.
This is treatment #5, baby!

Getting Taxol treatments is similar to the AC treatments in some ways:

I apply a Lidocaine blob to my port site prior to my treatment to numb the port area.
A "sucker fish" needle is stuck into my port.
The port is flushed and several vials of blood are taken to make sure I can go ahead with another treatment and also check for other important markers.
I'm given anti-nausea medication in addition to the rest of my meds via the port IV.

The ways in which Taxol differs from the previous four AC treatments is:

I'm given a decent amount of Benadryl via port IV (not sure how much, but I want to find out) to mitigate any allergic reaction to Taxol.
The Benadryl makes me a sleepy person! It was all I could do to go down my list of questions during the office visit with my oncologist. I hope to try to see her before the full effect of the Benadryl is upon me next time - I was loopy and thankful that mom took notes. All I wanted to do was hand off my list of questions and slink down onto the exam to take a nap.
The entire treatment time is ~5 hours.
I eat and drink a bit between naps and wake up to various other women receiving their treatments sitting in recliners across from me. Kinda weird when you see one person, close your eyes, open them again, and poof!--there's a different person sitting in front of you. What happened?
Taxol should be easier on my system (less anti-nausea meds since it's "easier" and therefore should give me less constipation problems). This doesn't seem like a big deal until it's a problem. Then this is a VERY BIG DEAL. It's also not a double whammy of meds, which is also a nice thing for Laura-the-chemo-patient.

The day after my first Taxol treatment, I felt like a star! I drove to my appointment that morning for my Neulasta shot (to get my WBC count up). Gramma Birch came back with me to see it happen; she's a sport! Pretty uneventful, though...the shot takes <1 minute and then they Band-Aid me up and send me packing. I ran an errand afterwards with my mom and Gramma, then came home to eat. After eating, I could tell I was getting tired. So once I had digested lunch, I settled down for a nap and slept a couple of hours. The rest of the evening I felt fine.

Then it was Thursday. Ugh! Thursdays are tough. I forget how cumbersome it is to be in pain all day: bone pain set in. What's bone pain? That's what I wanted to know when the oncologist's nurses were telling me about side effects of the Neulasta shot. Their answer: "Oh, you'll know when you're having bone pain." Indeed. There is nothing quite like it and if you don't know what it is yet - quit wondering when you'll experience it! Nearly all touching is off limits: hugs, pats on the back, laying down, sitting back, etc. Seems like each time I get one of these shots the bone pain goes a little further. By that, I mean into more long, bone marrow producing bones. This time I'm also experiencing some joint pain, which is a first.

Bone pain + joint pain = recliner time for Laura.

Today the bone pain is beginning to ease; the joint aches are not. Still, I'm feeling better than yesterday which is a positive in my books. These few days after treatment are predictably a low time for me. However, I'm happy to report that it's still better than AC treatment #4! That still wins out as being the ultimate crappy treatment thus far.

One Day at a Time

2011-08-16T19:49:00.000-06:00

It's been a busy week for us. Feeling good during my 2nd week post-chemo is wonderful. I feel as close to normal as ever and I want to conquer everything: bills, house work, fun with Joshua/family/friends, lots of healthy food, exercise, help mom continue to unpack, network with other survivors, attend BC appointments, and work on my wellness. It's a big list for such a (relatively) short time. Sometimes I'm overwhelmed by it all.

A big thank you for all of your cards, uplifting emails, surprise gifts, and offers to help. It's just amazing to see support from near and far...and to feel that you mean it when you're offering. Joshua and I continue to navigate through the weird process of figuring out what we need - our space, fellowship with family/friends, meals, work around the house, etc. Just this week we had help from a couple of people to move our furniture and take a door off its hinges before and after new carpet was installed. It's so wonderful to know we have clean, safe carpet to walk and lay on. (We had an issue with one of our cats and that needed to be resolved ASAP as it was a hazard to my health.)

So now onto some bits of news to share:
(Disclaimer: yes, I know my bullets are long. But I don't care. Deal with it, self!)

This week's ultrasound did not live up to expectations. The positive: my largest tumor is not growing - nor are the lymph nodes with cancer. Visually, my breast is different - it looks normal! We can all feel a big difference in my breast. The negative: the tumor has only changed shape and still measures the same as the original size.
Next Friday or the following Monday, I will have a second MRI. Different from an ultrasound, the MRI will tell us about the metabolic activity of the tumors in my breast and lymph nodes. We expect to see lowered metabolic activity. My oncologist is sure of it, given the dramatic positive visual and palpable difference in my breast. I hope to see something drastic, people! And it'll be 'fun' to hear the loud magnets again. Did I ever post a picture of the MRI machine? If not, I will this time 'round.
Met with a plastic surgeon last week. If you want to know more, check out the blog post Joshua wrote by clicking here.
Today marks my first of four treatments of Taxol. I'll be getting this treatment every other Tuesday - four times total. Each treatment lasts 5 hours. It's a long stay, but I occasionally walk with my IV pole (to an exam room for an office visit and to take lots of pee breaks). They give me Benadryl via my port before administering the Taxol and that had quite a sleepy effect on me today. I took a few naps and woke up to seeing different people getting their treatments around me. Really missed out on some action! Dang. It helped pass the time, though. So far, I'm feeling well - I'd even say 200% better than my last treatment. We'll see what tomorrow brings, but today I'm happy about my first Taxol treatment.

I cannot say thanks enough to everyone for their support. Your love is shown in so many various ways! It is noticed. We do appreciate it. Please know that we read every comment on this blog, every email in our inbox, and every card in our mailbox. We do not have the time to respond to all of them, but we are thankful for you lifting us up with your strength in our times of weakness - and we do have those times.

For example, yesterday evening was a tough evening for Joshua and I: digesting the ultrasound results, talking together...getting into deep conversation. It's good to do this - to check in with each other and to dive into the reality of the situation. And once you've done enough and felt those feelings, it's good to "take a deep breath, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again." (Lyrics by Dorothy Fields from the 1936 film Swing Time, for you movie buffs.)

The journey continues.

Meeting with the Plastic Surgeon...

2011-08-11T09:38:00.000-06:00

Pema Chödrön posing as "Rosie the Riveter"

We had our first meeting with a plastic surgeon today. It had been awhile since we had thought about surgery and we needed to brush up on the breast cancer books we devoured early on in this journey to come up with pertinent questions. (It is a good idea to have an idea of what is going to be covered before you meet with a surgeon. One, so you are not surprised as to what will inevitably come up and two, because surgeons are usually very knowledgeable people and you want to make sure to have your questions ready -- the next time you see them could be in the operating room or immediately beforehand.)

A bilateral mastectomy sounds scary. And it is. This is the recommended surgery by Laura's general surgeon to remove as much of the cancer in her right breast and the remaining breast tissue to reduce the chance for recurrence. We've known this for some time. It is more common to have this type of radical surgery when a woman has a large tumor (check!), it is aggressive and fast growing (yep!), and the patient is young (we have a winner!); all because there is a higher chance for the cancer to come back. Put bluntly, the procedure permanently disfigures a person, which is why we were meeting with the plastic surgeon to discuss options for reconstruction.

Laura, Linda, and I arrived at the office and were taken to a nice meeting room and waited patiently for the surgeon. There were implants on display which we played with and Laura found a three ring binder that had about 50 pages of pictures inside with women who had breast cancer and were proceeding through various phases of reconstruction. The photos were graphic and not easy to look at. This would definitely not be left in the room if you were there for a typical "boob job" (i.e. without cancer). You need to have a lot of backbone to look at those photos and know this is something you will also go through.

One of the more ideal situations for reconstruction after a mastectomy is to have "expanders" inserted into the breast at the same time the breast tissue is removed. The expanders have a large metal port and are injected periodically with saline to slowly stretch the skin. Following an additional surgery, the expanders are exchanged with a proper silicone implant. This is probably more similar to the typical "boob job," but breast cancer patients have to work with a lot less, since a lot of stuff (skin, fat, and tissue) is removed along with their cancer.

Along with breast tissue, fat and sometimes the outer skin on the chest will need to be removed depending on how the cancer has spread. In Laura's case, the cancer is near the surface and all around her right breast, which will make reconstruction difficult at best.

The goal of the general surgeon who will perform the double mastectomy is to get rid of all the cancer, including in the lymph nodes, and she will also be removing as much breast tissue as possible, to limit the possibility of recurrence. It only takes one cell of breast tissue to allow the cancer to come back and although it isn't always possible to get rid of it all, less is definitely better. It's important to have clean margins which will be determined through pathology tests post-surgery.

Unfortunately the goal to be cancer free sometimes comes in direct conflict with what the plastic surgeon would like for great reconstruction results. They want lots of healthy, supple skin left to work with. The other big negative Laura faces for reconstruction is that she will be undergoing radiation after her surgery. The radiation will lower the statistics of a recurrence, but also will likely change her skin. Radiation can tighten the skin, discolor it, and may rule out the possibility for using expanders. The plastic surgeon said it is likely that the left and right breast will not match exactly if the effects of radiation are severe. By massaging and moisturizing the irradiated skin, we can hopefully help keep the remaining skin supple and prepare it for reconstruction.

Without going into too much detail with regard to the many surgical options for reconstruction, the best option for Laura will be to wait one year following her radiation therapy before doing anything. This means Laura would not have breasts for a year. That is a tough pill for all of us to swallow, but we are ready to smile at fear.

Although there is a small chance that she could have enough skin left for expanders post-mastectomy, and that the skin would stretch after radiation, she is much more likely to have to undergo an additional surgery to have muscle pulled from her latissimus dorsi or tunneled from her abdomen to make up the reconstructed breasts. The loss of the muscle from this surgery is permanent, although patients can resume activities they did before, like lifting things and swimming, after many months of physical therapy.

Whether the type of reconstructive surgery be a DIEP flap, whereby only a few muscles are taken along with arteries and are then transplanted into the breast area, or one of the myriad of other surgeries is unknown at this point. We can only educate ourselves and meet with other plastic surgeons to get multiple opinions. Much of what will happen is dependent upon the outcome of the mastectomy and the ensuing radiation treatment/its effects on Laura's skin.

This was definitely a hard appointment for us all and throws cancer right back in our faces with all of its force and might, particularly for Laura. She lives with her cancer every day, without escape, and will likely do so for the rest of her life, until a cure is found.

We all look into the future sometimes thinking on a time when all of these surgeries will be behind us and Laura will be without the big C, but right now all we can and need to muster is to be in the moment. It is too easy to get sucked under and into the depths otherwise. Being in the present is the greatest lesson we are learning through this experience. All we have is right now. Be thankful for this moment, and that one. We are and so can you.

"In our sleep, pain, which we cannot forget

falls drop by drop, upon the heart,

until, in our own despair, comes wisdom,

through the awful grace of God."

— Aeschylus (Oresteia)

Adam

2011-08-08T09:26:00.000-06:00

Adam in Seattle...displaying the ample comfort
of said recliner.

My brother has always been a generous guy. Still, I'm feeling quite "special" that he wanted to offload his coveted recliner here in Colorado on his way to New York. I've got it on a long-term loan, and am so appreciative to have a big, cushy chair to sit and sleep in. It's hard to be or get comfortable in the days immediately following chemo treatments. My stomach is "unsure," my body is weak, and I begin experiencing bone pain. All not fun stuff. This chair is really great to have - it can allow me to eat snacks throughout the day and nap soon afterwards while not technically "laying down" - a no-no. :)

It's impossible to just say "thanks for the recliner, Adam" without showing HOW the recliner got here. To begin, a picture to accurately illustrate just how jam-packed Adam's 4Runner was. See the shiny surface behind Adam? That's one piece of the recliner.

Just enough room for driver and passenger.
And that's pretty much it.

Next up, a picture of Jeney trying her darndest to pull the recliner base out of the driver-side back door. It budged - a lot. But then there was this little piece of metal...on the base of the chair...

Go, Jeney, go!

We all realized that yep - the recliner would have to be unloaded through the back of the car. Which meant EVERYTHING else had to be unloaded first. Not quite what the dynamic duo had planned, but they were up for the task. Onlookers helped some.

A place for everything and everything in its place.

Aww, yeah! Happy to have a cushy chair a la my "little" brother!

Adam, without getting too squishy on this blog, I want to acknowledge your generosity and thank you. I know you *heart* this recliner; it was going to make the move with you regardless. I appreciate you leaving it here on a semi-permanent basis so I can kick back and relax a little, tolerate chemo effects better, and sleep while not laying horizontal. I will think of you each time I'm in it. Like a big, brother-sister hug.

Although he dropped it off, he still wanted to sit on it.
:)
Who knew we looked so much alike, anyway?

Movin' Mom

2011-08-05T11:01:00.000-06:00

So I'm behind on blog posts. Big deal. Cut the cancer chick some slack! I'm coming out of quite the rollercoaster low...this past chemo treatment was like no other. Anyway, I'm happy to report that I'm on the uphill side of things today - so here's a blog post that should have been posted a couple of weeks ago.

On July 16, mom and Brandon (my cousin) rolled into town in a HUGE truck affectionately called "Big Bird 1." (Why Big Bird 1? Because yes, there was a Big Bird 2 - only not as big as the first.) It was a shiny, newish Penske truck with only 2,000 miles on it, superior A/C, and a cab way up in the sky. They looked like weary travelers when they rode in, but no doubt they were happy to have made the OK->CO drive in a single day.

Dad cooked up some good food for all of us and we sat down and ate family-style.

The next day, mom was witness to a Herculean effort: a team of four unpacked the entire 26-foot truck in a matter of hours! Brandon did a wonderful job packing the truck and securing sections down.

Brandon displaying his muscular physique before unloading Big Bird 1.
He's proud. And should be!

It truly was a group effort.

Dad and Brandon unloading the elliptical beast.

THANK YOU, guys, for getting 'er done!

The unpacking team:
Ken, Joshua, mom, Brandon, & dad.